Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Korekisensei Densetsu!
by Corky Riviera
Summary: A new saga is about to emerge, a dramatic tale of a child named Sa'am and his quest to become the Best Ninja Anywhere. See the antics of Korekisensei as she drags her students across the country, with a secret goal... beware! Parody!
1. Part One

Koreki Birisu

2/5/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_INTRODUCTION: Koreki strikes back for another round of parody madness. This story is based in the world of Naruto, the amazingly popular ninja show that everyone (well, maybe not…) is crazy for. This story was done on request, and may contain real people here and there, but trust me, nobody was –permanently- injured during the production of this story. Purists, stay away, for I make fun and purposely screw up established plot points and characters. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!_

"Yeah, today I'm going to graduate!"

The sun was shining brightly down on the wooden, one-room house as the inhabitant shoved miso-flavored Pop Tarts down his throat. He was chewing loudly, smiling as wide as he could, spilling golden crumbs on the floor and small table. "Aren't you excited for me?"

Unfortunately for Sa'am, he was the only one in the house and had nobody to talk to. So instead, he had propped up a mirror opposite his chair and pretended it was his brother or something. He flexed a muscle, "I'll knock them all down with my amazing skills! It's going to be like nothing they've ever seen! Okay, I got to get going. Clean the kitchen, will you??"

Sa'am grabbed a sack from his dresser and headed out of his house, grinning from ear to ear. It never bothered him that his house was in the Red District, even if it was wedged between two brothels that occasionally produced strange sounds and off odors. He was just proud that he owned a plot of land and constructed his own house, and was able to steal the water and cable from the buildings next door. Plus, he had a great backyard, where you could find lots of dirt and bits of colorful glass, and occasionally a drunk man who got lost trying to find the Peeky-Peeky Theatre.

"They'll be so amazed they'll stick me with the best teacher- no, the head honcho himself! Yes, I'll be able to brutally mutilate people alongside Orochimaru! God, bless you for letting me live in Hidden Sound!"

That's right, Sa'am was a member of the hastily constructed Village of Hidden Sound. The town was full of all walks of life, many probably there for the same reason Sa'am was- orphaned and kidnapped into the area. In fact, one of the best games among the children was to guess how many of each ethnic group would walk into the local noodle shop that day. Despite the fact the adults of the town were very anxious these days, Sa'am found comfort in the companionship of the wild gangs of youth that wandered the alleyways.

"I wonder who I'll get in my team… Oh, sweet, sweet Maya… You'll be fighting alongside me… and then you'll fall and hurt your knee, 'Oh Sa'am! I'm injured! I cannot continue!' 'Don't worry, Maya-san, I will carry you!' 'Oh, my hero…'" Sa'am squealed. "Your hot lips will soon be mine!"

Sa'am suddenly ran into what he thought was a brick wall, but it was actually his dream girl, Maya. Maya had long, silky brown hair and beautiful blue eyes, a figure to die for, and the best smile in the universe. However, she wasn't smiling, but glaring down at Sa'am. "Watch where you're going. And did I hear you say my name?"

"O-oh, Maya-san!" Sa'am got up and properly bowed, "Good morning! I was just… just saying how I hope we can be on the same team after we graduate today!"

"Oh, isn't that dear!" Maya laughed, "Forget it, Porky, don't you remember your great losing streak? Why, last time, you blew up half of the school! Maybe we should better stay home, right?"

The boy beside her didn't move. His cold, grey eyes burned into Sa'am's soul, his long hair drifting in the breeze behind him. Sa'am gulped hard as his blood turned into ice.

"C'mon, Tap!" Maya grabbed the angry boy's arm, "We're going to be late!"

Sa'am let out a sigh as Maya dragged off Tap. "Man… I hope I don't have to have Tap on my team… oh no, that's right, I'm going to be late!"

"ROLL CALL!" Miss Iruta called shrilly, standing up behind her desk. She hit her head on the low ceiling of the hut and cursed silently, ducking a little and picking up a clipboard. "Maya Armata."

"Here!"

"Sano Sanyo."

"Present!"

"Tap Dontglass."

"…kill you all…"

"Chiso Hyuuga."

There was a long pause.

"Chiso? Chiiiiso…? Hey, did somebody bring her to class today?"

Everyone looked at each other, then back at Miss Iruta.

"Dammit… Somebody look for her outside."

Sano got up and ran outside as everyone waited in dead silence. In five minutes, he came back in, pulling along a blank-faced girl. He pushed her into a desk and then sat back down in his own. "Found her, ma'am. She was talking to the swingset again!"

"Oh, is it time for school?" Chiso tilted her head, "I see."

"…No, you can't see, Chiso." Miss Iruta marked her name off. "Okay… Sa'am?"

"I'M HERE!" He leapt upon his desk and posed, "I'm going to graduate today, take THIS!"

Miss Iruta moved her head as a knife embedded itself in the wall behind her. "Very nice. Get off the desk."

"Sorry ma'am."

"Okay, who else… Seek?"

"Here, ma'am!" He raised his hand as high as he could.

"Is your brother absent?"

"No!" Suddenly another head pushed it's way out of Seek's shoulder, "I'm right here!"

"There you are, Tama! Very good, I think everyone is here." She put the clipboard down, "Well, today is the big day, kids. You prove to me why you should graduate and we'll give you your headbands and assign you to your teams. Let's go outside, and you all line up alphabetically by height."

"Er… ma'am… how is that possible?" Chiso chirped.

"Shut up, Chiso. Come on, kids."

The children headed into the grassy backyard of the one-room school, which was simply a hut constructed after Sa'am blew up the actual building. They all lined up and waited patiently as Miss Iruta checked off a few things in a book labeled 'Rules and How to Bend Them'. "Okay, first off is Sano. You know what to do, summon us up a clone and you pass."

"Got it, ma'am!" He stepped forward and put his hands together. "Bunshin no Jutsu!"

There was a puff of smoke as a perfect copy of Sano appeared beside the original. All the other students clapped politely. Miss Iruta nodded, "Very good, very good! You've worked hard, congratulations, you pass!"

"Yes!" He called off the clone and marched off to the side, sitting and smiling wide. "Good luck, everybody!"

"Next up… Maya Armata."

"No problem!" She folded her hands together, uttered the words, and also produced a perfect clone, except for the fact it was wearing nothing but lingere. "Oh, whoops!"

"That's alright, it's good enough. You boys stop staring! Congrats, Maya, you pass."

"All right!" She brushed her hair back, calling off the clone, "Easy as pie."

"Okay. Seek and Tama?"

"Ma'am?" They both asked.

"Yes?"

"Are we suppose to make one clone or two?"

"…Er…" She blinked at the twins. "Uh… erm…"

"Tama, just put your head down and let me do this."

"Aww, c'mon, Seek! You never let me do anything!"

"Get down there!" He shoved his brother's head back into his shoulder, then folded his hands together. "Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Poof! Beside him appeared a perfect Seek clone. Everyone applauded.

"Very good! You pass. Tama, your turn."

"But ma'am!"

"What?"

"Well, look!" He split off from the clone, taking a bow. The students gasped and applauded again.

"Ah hah! Very smart. You pass as well."

"Sweet deal!" The twins gave each other a high five as the clone disappeared, Tama walking back into Seek. The two sat down beside Maya and Sano.

"Okay… Sa'am?"

"OH BOY!" Sa'am stepped forward as everyone else groaned. "I've been practicing and practicing, Miss Iruta, you'll be amazed!"

"Uh huh. You know what to do…"

Sa'am smirked. He wasn't going to just summon a clone- no, in fact… he was going to summon at least a hundred of them! Sa'am had carefully studied and practiced the Forbidden Technique, Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! He folded his hands together in the appropriate positions and shouted, "Watch this!"

There was suddenly an explosion of clouds of smoke… and a bunch of Sa'am clones appeared. But before the children could react in amazement, they all began to fall into pieces, quivering on the ground. Sa'am screamed. "No, no, don't fall apart! What's wrong??"

"…" Miss Iruta stared at him over the rim of her glasses. "Oh, very nice, eh? Very impressive, eh? Very… A WASTE OF MY TIME."

"B-but Ma'am!"

"The requirements call for one –perfect- clone. I see no perfect clones in this pile of body parts."

"Aw DAMMIT!"

"…loser." Tap crossed his arms.

"Talk to me after class. Pick up these bodies this instant!"

"Yes ma'am." Sa'am was crushed.

"While he's doing that… Chiso Hyuuga's next."

"Oh boy!" Chiso gasped and stepped forward.

"I'm behind you, Chiso."

"Oh, of course, ma'am!" She turned around, her pupil-less eyes glimmering in the sunlight. Despite being one of the famous Hyuuga clan, which was known for their almost 360 degree field of vision, Chiso was completely blind, due to complications in the womb related to her mother's heavy drug use. "Here I go!"

Sa'am walked to the class by himself sadly as a Chiso clone with the body parts in the wrong places appeared, causing the students to groan and taunt her. He wept a silent tear as he sat down in his hair. "Why… why can't I get any of these Forbidden Techniques right? Damn… I'll never graduate."

"Aww… Chiso doesn't want to sit down!" She was pushed in after Sa'am and she stumbled into an open space, pushing her fingers against each other. "I don't know what I did wrong."

"You existed, that's what!"

"Oh, Sa'am!" She cried, "You're horrible!"

"Shut up, this is all your fault! You ruined my technique!"

"How did Chiso ruin your technique?!?"

"YOU JUST DID! Now shut up!"

"Boohoo!"

Sa'am growled and put his head down on his desk, until he heard the door open. He glanced up, and his eyes connected with the stone-grey, angry eyes of Tap Dontglass. There was a moment of tense silence as Tap glared into Sa'am's soul again.

"Er… what happened with you?"

"…I killed Sano."

"Oh, cool!"

"…yeah, sweet." He sat down. "Teacher's angry though."

"I can't imagine why, I mean, nobody liked Sano anyway. He was always smiling, happy, succeeding in lif-"

"Shut up."

"Yes sir." Sa'am sighed and put his head back down on the desk.

"I am very disappointed in you three. After all the time I spent going over the technique with you, and you do this. Chiso, this is your third try! Sa'am, your fifteenth! And Tap, what the –hell-, man? What the –hell-?"

"…I hate everything. So I killed him."

"What am I going to tell his parents? God…" Miss Iruta sighed and lit up a cigarette. "But I have some news for you. Due to the 'No Child Left Behind' act they threw together, I am obligated to tell you…we have a special program for you. You will be able to graduate, while working with a highly skilled, qualified sensei from the upper crust of the village."

"Oh, sweet deal!" Sa'am gasped. Maybe this was his chance to climb the ladder of life and glory!

"So, let me introduce to you… your teacher!"

A cellphone was poked through the door, a dramatic drumroll playing from it. Then the the body holding it jumped into the doorway like a shadow, leaping across the room and landing on the teacher's desk. The children gasped (excluding Chiso) as the figure in the black clothes smirked.

"So you want to be Ninjas, eh? Well…" The woman smirked, "Do you really have what it takes?"

"Yes, I do, ma'am!" Sa'am jumped up. He was so excited! "I'm Sa'am and I'd be honored to train under you!"

"Well…" She hopped off the desk, facing them, "I guess I can haul you around. Let me see, the dropout class… yes.. yes… so you must be Tap Dontglass and that's the legendary Chiso Hyuuga."

"Oh, a new voice! What's your name?" Chiso smiled.

"I am… Koreki Birisu, the Becoming Death! You may call me Koreki-sensei, or Mistress, whichever you prefer. Let me welcome you under my watchful eye, Team 1.86!"

"SWEET!"

"…dude… 1.86?" Tap huffed. "Retarded."

"I'm in a team! I graduated! Hooray!" Chiso clapped her hands in glee.

"…are you serious? These are it?" Koreki raised an eyebrow at Iruta.

"Yeah." Miss Iruta shrugged.

"Eh… So be it! Now, my new students, here are your headbands!" Koreki passed out the gleaming, nicked and scuffed headbands. The metal plates had a music note stamped into them, painted black. Sa'am had never seen anything more beautiful, and he slowly put it on his head, tying it tightly.

"My… my headband… it will never leave my body!"

"Oh, how ironic," Koreki laughed, "I found them on some bodies just the other day."

"EEW."

"Somebody help Chiso, I don't think I have it on right!"

"Yours is one of those hats… you know, looks like a pair of underwear. I thought mixing it up would be fun. Here you go!" Koreki put it on her head correctly, tying it as tight as she could, "There, now don't you look precious?"

"Thank you. Chiso's head feels dizzy due to cut-off-circulation but she is most happy."

Tap sighed and put his on. "This smells like cigarettes."

"SHUT UP AND BE GRATEFUL!"

"Whatever."

"Okay then!" Koreki marched to the front door, "Meet me in town square tomorrow, Team 1.86! Don't bother with breakfast, either, our training is going to be so extreme you might barf if you eat beforehand."

"Awesome! Don't worry, Koreki-sensei! I will be on time! Early even!" Sa'am could barely contain himself. His chance, his shining moment, finally here! He knew with a little work, he could easily impress his new sensei and go on to become the Best Ninja Anywhere. "Oh, thank you so much!"

"Yeah, yeah, you kids go home and sleep well tonight."

"Great!" Sa'am ran off as fast as he could, laughing the entire way.

"He doesn't lack enthusiasm…" Miss Iruta sighed, then looked at the other two. "Tap, go home and bring Chiso with you."

"I burnt down my house."

"…Right, forgot. You guys just stay here then…" She headed out, "C'mon, Koreki, let's go get some ramen."

"Spazztastic!"

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. Part the Tew

Koreki Birisu

2/6/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Tew_

The sun was shining brightly down on Hidden Sound, the birds singing as they drifted along with the clouds across the endless sky. The town was still sleeping as the new graduates creeped out of their homes (or just the school building) to the town center. Sa'am himself ran the entire way, buzzing with excitement and, possibly, deep hunger.

"_I wonder what our training could be!" _He thought to himself, grinning, "_I bet this Koreki person knows a ton of high-level jutsu… maybe we're going to be able to show off. I'll knock her off her feet with a Forbidden Technique!"_

"Hey everyone!" Sa'am called as he came to a halt, waving at his other two team mates. Chiso didn't seem to notice, and Tap simply glared with his glassy eyes. Sa'am laughed nervously and tried to go down the path of least resistance and walked up to Chiso. "Good morning."

"I'M UNDER SEIGE!" Her fingers shot out in random directions and nailed Sa'am right on every pressure point he could imagine. As he fell to the ground in pain, Chiso giggled, "By the density of your belly, I am to believe it's Sa'am. Sorry!"

"My GUTS…"

"…dude… blind people shouldn't use Hakke Rokujuuyonshou in the first place."

"Chiso –said- she was sorry…"

Sa'am slowly forced himself into an upright position. "Where's our sensei?"

"…hasn't shown up… getting angry…" Tap reached into his pocket and pulled out a switchblade, flicking it open and moving it swiftly to his wrist, "If she doesn't show up soon… kill her…"

"Here I am!" Koreki-sensei came down the street, eating a very large glazed donut, a strange black and white cat perched in her coat's hood, peering over her head with glowing yellow eyes. As the children stared (excluding Chiso) and drooled, Koreki polished off the donut and came to a halt. "I've been looking all over for you fools."

"But Koreki-sensei! We all came early, like you told us!"

"I never told you to come EARLY. I just told you to come in the morning. Man, you kids are dense." She stretched lazily, the cat on her head yawning with her. "You kids didn't eat, right?"

"Yeah, we fasted just like you said!"

"Chiso ate a peanut she found in her pocket…"

"Damn you, Chiso, you ruined everything!" Sa'am smacked her across the head.

"Woah, woah, calm down. I'm sure you didn't eat a peanut. It was probably a rock. That's okay. It'll all pass in time…" Koreki snickered.

"Ew."

"…the cat." Tap pointed. "…why do you have a cat?"

"Ah, you noticed. Presenting… Alberta, my personal summon. She is the Black Poison of Hidden Sound."

"Mew." Alberta plainly stated.

"AWW. It's so cute!" Sa'am giggled like a schoolgirl. "What does she do?"

"KILLS THINGS." Koreki laughed, the air around her growing dark and her eyes glowing like fire. Everyone was shocked and backed away.

"The air around Chiso got very hot!"

"Sensei, please stop! You're scaring us!"

"…dude…"

"Sorry!" She calmed back down with a normal laugh. "But she is a very special guest and you should be honored she woke up this early to watch you all. So treat her with the utmost respect… OR DIE."

"Mew." Alberta calmly spoke.

"I see! Will we be learning how to summon Alberta, the Black Poison?!?" Sa'am was super-excited, "Let me try first!"

"NO." Koreki hissed. "That's not what we're doing! Today… you will be undergoing a training exercise that is excruciating but will help you increase your skills. You will be using all your senses, focusing your chakra, and impressing a bunch of people at the same time. You, Team 1.86 will be… Helping me pack my shit into summoning scrolls."

"What??"

"We're going cross-country, kiddos. You're helping me get my things together. See?"

"…dude. Super-lame. Going… to… burn… everything…"

"Don't burn things, Tap!" Chiso tried to pat him on the shoulder but couldn't find him, "It'll be okay, I bet we'll learn a lot!"

"Come, kids, to my apartment!"

"Wow, you've got a totally awesome house, sensei!"

There were clothes scattered here and there. There were figurines and cat-related memorabilia on every single shelf space available. Two fish swam in circles in their bowls, with music notes tattooed on their side. Acrylic paintings framed the walls, displaying some well-known manga characters of the time, all hanging unevenly and unframed. Books were piled around the bookcase, but actually not on it. The house smelled very pleasant, however.

"…can we burn it?"

"Eh, maybe with the junk I don't want. Okay, you kids know how to write, right?"

"Chiso can't write, Chiso only reads Braille." She mumbled.

"Chiso, you ruined everything again!" Sa'am yelled. "I'll have to do it for you!"

"Okay, then this will be a piece of cake." Koreki walked to a closet and opened the door, a thousand random objects spilling out, along with a pile of scrolls. She grabbed some ink brushes and pots and handed them to the kids. "All you have to do is write the words 'Come Hither, object, the Summoning of Ten Thousand Souls' fifteen hundred times, and then the object should disappear with the final period and be locked into the paper. Easy, huh? Okay, get to work!"

"We have to do this with EVERYTHING?"

"Every single object. I don't want multiple things in there, either, because then it just makes a mess! I'll just be sitting over this way." She flopped into a chair, Alberta hopping out of her hood and into her lap.

"Mew." Alberta happily muttered.

"Okay… Tap, you get the clothes. I'll start on the book! Chiso… you… uh… you… just don't do anything."

"Okay! Oh, what a nice kitty!" Chiso petted a hat, "Your coat is so silky, too!"

"…right." Sa'am grabbed one of the books and pulled out a scroll, and began writing. "'Come Hither, "Nurse Please Volume 1", the summoning of Ten Thousand Souls.' 'Come hither-'"

"Read to yourself," Tap growled, "You're distracting me."

"Fine."

By the time it was noon, only half of the things in Koreki's apartment was packed. The stomachs of the three children could be heard growling all the way across the street. Sa'am finished off the last line of the scroll he was working on then rolled it up, tying it up with a string. "Sensei… Sa'am is hungry!"

"Chiso too!"

"…kill you so badly…"

"What? Oh, sorry! Can't help you. Keep working."

"Aw man!" Sa'am grumbled. "_This sucks! I thought we'd be doing something fun, not packing crap into pieces of paper. Oh well… hey, what's this?"_ Sam picked up the next book, which was full of sticky notes and bookmarks. The cover was worn and battered, and read 'Bingo: Big Index of Ninjas Gone Out'. Sa'am was amazed- this was one of those bound hitlists! He flipped a page open and read some of the names.

"…what are you doing?" Tap leaned over, reading. "…woah… look at that. Kakashi Hatake… Chiriku… that's an official Bingo book."

"Sensei must be a HUNTER NINJA to have one of these!" Sa'am flipped the pages, "Oh, and it's an updated copy, it's got that Z.W. guy… and look at this, there's a lady in here! 'Birisu K., The Becoming Dea-…"

Tap and Sa'am's eyes widened. They looked at Koreki, then back at the book, and then back again. They both started screaming, whipping out weapons. Koreki looked up as flying objects came straight at her. They hit the soft fabric of the chair and stuck out.

"What the hell are you doing?" She was standing behind the two, snapping up the book. "Hey, nobody said you could read –or- attack your master. That's a REALLY BAD IDEA if you know what I mean."

"We know the truth! We saw your picture in that bo-"

"What?"

"…you're a missing-nin."

"…Hah! Hahaha! Oh, that's grand." Koreki laughed, "Me, wanted. Oh, no, this is a VANITY book, see… it's got that page custom inserted. I always wanted to pretend to be an outlaw. I mean, seriously, would the school hire me if I was wanted for trying to take over the Tea Country?"

"…I guess not." Sa'am shrugged. "Hey, speaking of the Tea Country, where are we going when you get packed?"

"Tea Country. Get back to work now, dears!"

Tap and Sa'am shuddered in silent horror as she sat in a different chair. Alberta followed her, sitting on her lap and closing her eyes. Slowly the boys began working yet again on the scrolls, keeping quiet. Chiso continued to talk with random objects, late into the evening…

"You kids did great!" Santo Iramuzi happily lead Team 2 into town, "I'm impressed with your skills!"

"Of course," Maya smiled, "It's too bad we couldn't have had Sano on our team though… oh, but a small price to pay to see Tap smile!"

"That wasn't a smile," shuddered Seek.

"That was something evil." Tama also shuddered, walking by himself for once.

"Well, I think we should all reward ourselves with a treat. Who wants to go It's A Wonderful Noodle?"

Team 2 cheered, and prepared to take off just as Team 1.86 started heading out of town. They both stopped, looking at each other in prolonged silence. Maya frowned slightly, and Seek and Tama pulled together nervously. Sa'am's stomach growled loudly, breaking the ice.

"Hello, comrades!" Santo laughed good-heartedly, "Or should I say, friendly rivals?"

"More like a pack of losers." Maya crossed her arms.

"Oh Maya-san, don't hide your true feelings!" Sa'am suddenly leapt forwards, arms wide, "Let's stop this pointless bickering and admit our love to each ot-"

"SHORYUKEN!" Her fist shot up and Sa'am went flying, landing beside Chiso on the ground. "Bug off, creep, and keep your fat rolls away from me!"

"Maya…san…!" He cried.

"Hey, woah, calm down!" Santo put his hand on her shoulder, "Now, you shouldn't be mean to the under-grads, they're trying just as hard as we are. Where are you all off to this late? Dinner?"

"We're heading out on training." Koreki stared at the other team in silence. "Across country. I think getting these kids out of the Village will do everyone good."

"…going… to… MURDER…"

"Er… isn't it a bit early to-"

"Get out of the way, Santo, unless you want to face the wrath of Team 1.86!" Koreki pointed, "Sic him!"

"Chiso will protect you, Sensei!" She blindly threw a punch in the air. "Did I get someone?"

"Uhm…" Seek and Tama looked at each other and shrugged their conjoined shoulders. They then looked at their sensei, "Can we go eat now?"

"I… think that's… a very good idea. Come along." He ushered them around the others, with a sense of urgency. They disappeared into the It's a Wonderful Noodle as Team 1.86 sighed in hunger.

"I miss food…" Sa'am cried.

"What, you're still hungry? Okay, okay…" Koreki put her hands together, making various signals, "Ramen of Hungry Ancestors!"

Four huge bowls appeared on the ground, steaming in chicken-y goodness. The children gasped, even Chiso, who could smell the delicious aroma. The children attacked them like wolves, eating as fast as they could without puking.

"…it's so good… that… that I feel… joyful!"

"Heaven! Koreki-sensei!! How did you do this?!?"

"Hey, I own the It's A Wonderful Noodle company, didn't you know?"

"No!" They all answered in awe, "Do you really?"

"Yeah! They don't call me Koreki of the Seven Noodles for nothing."

"I thought you were Becoming Death," Chiso tilted her head, noodles sticking to her face, "Or is this a new Koreki I'm meeting for the first time?"

"Semantics, whatever." Koreki sat down and picked up her own bowl and began eating. "When I was younger, why, kids only ate one meal a day! You youth are so spoiled… in fact, when I was younger…"

"Oh, Koreki-sensei, how old are you?" Sa'am slurped, "You speak with the wisdom of many years!"

"Eighteen!" The kids fell into their ramen bowls at the sudden shattering of excitement. "I've never felt older in my life, let me tell you… when you get to be as old as I am, you'll see things differently… Hey, stop drowning in my ramen!!"

After dinner, Team 1.86 headed out across the flowing fields, away from Hidden Sound. When the stars came out and gleamed overhead, they stopped for the night under some trees, rolling out blankets to sleep upon. After getting Chiso on her own blanket, Sa'am lied down and gazed at the stars through the leaves. "Wow… it's so beautiful, even more than at home!"

"We're not even a mile away, kid." Koreki was reading a magazine of questionable content.

"But it's so clear out here!"

"…reminds me of tears… pain…"

"Chiso is amazed by the beauty!"

"What are you talking about? You can't –see-!"

"But Chiso feels the cool grass on the sides of her blanket… the soft breezes caressing her cheek… she can hear the dancing of the leaves and can smell the clean air of the countryside. Why, even if Chiso can't see, she can tell beauty is-"

"SHUT UP, CHISO!" The entire team screamed.

"Okay."

"Will we be training tomorrow, sensei?" Sa'am looked over at the teen.

"Something like that… shut up and go to sleep."

Sa'am sighed, happily closing his eyes. He was going on an adventure! He couldn't wait to meet other ninjas, learn some new skills, and perhaps go on some missions! The sheer wonder of it all tickled him as he drifted off into the land of dreams, with happy visions playing in the back of his mind. Sa'am had never slept better in his entire life!

"WOAH. CORPSES! BELIEVE IT!"

The entire team was suddenly awake at the jarring, annoying voice. Koreki snorted, sitting up quickly, "What the hell?"

"DUDE! DUDE!!! BELIEVE IT!"

"Shut the fuck up, Naruto!" The pink-haired girl next to him decked the boy, "Nobody loves you!"

He started bawling as a dark-haired boy glared at Team 1.86, their sensei standing nearby, gazing over them with one eye. They all had headbands embossed with the symbol of the Hidden Leaf village, and looked well-traveled. The sensei gasped a little, then smiled under his mask. "Why, if it isn't Miss Birisu!"

"YOU!" Koreki leapt to her feet and jabbed a finger out at the man, "How dare you show your face here, Kakashi!"

Team 1.86 gasped. "Is that the –REAL- Kakashi, sensei?!?"

"None other!" He laughed. "We were surprised to come across a team lying out in the open, completely open to surprise attacks. If Naruto hadn't opened his mouth we might have been able to kill you all. 3"

"BELIEVE IT! YOU'D DIE!"

"Shut up, kid!" Koreki kicked his face, knocking him over. She then put her hands on her hips. "I suppose you all have the intention of storming Hidden Sound, don't you?!? In the name of our leader, Orochimaru, and my heroes Sakon and Ukon, we will punish you!"

"Not really, we were just passing through," Sakura tried to smile her best, "Though… uh… you are the bad guys…"

"BELIEVE IT! LET'S KILL THEM! THEY BROKE MY NOSE!" Naruto screamed, whipping out a knife, "LET'S GET THEM NOW! C'MON SAKURA! C'MON SASUKE!"

"You're damn annoying." Sasuke growled.

"We accept the challenge!" Koreki pointed at the Leaf ninjas. Both sides gasped in shock. "We will have a contest of strength and talent! Everyone will spar off with one of the members of the opposite team! Are you up to it or are you all just chicken?!?"

"Sounds like fun." Kakashi smiled. "Okay, let's get to it!"

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	3. Part the Phree

Koreki Birisu

2/7/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Phree_

Team 1.86 of Hidden Sound and Team 7 of Hidden Leaf prepared to stand off in battle. Everyone watched their opponents carefully, as the children had beads of sweat rolling down their foreheads. Koreki slowly stepped forward, putting her hand out to Kakashi. He paused, "So… what are the conditions, my dear?"

"We'll each pair off with our equal. I'll challenge you. Sa'am will challenge the loud annoying kid. Tap, get the other emo-child. Chiso, get the girl. We'll not fight to the death, just to exhaustion. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Kakashi shook her hand. "Okay Naruto, get out there and get the fat kid!"

"ALL RIGHT! GONNA KILL YOU, BELIEVE IT!" He jumped forward, looking confident. "GONNA GET YOU WITH MY SECRET JUTSU, YEAH! BELIEVE IT!!"

"You're so annoying!" Sa'am cringed and stepped forward. Though a little nervous, he was confident. He had a trick up his sleeve, a skill he had perfected himself. He and Naruto threw their hands together at the very same time and shouted, "Oiroke no Jutsu!"

With a puff of smoke, two very gorgeous girls from pinup magazines were standing in the place of Sa'am and Naruto. Koreki held her head and groaned, and the other boys on the field suddenly grabbed her noses to try and prevent the sudden gushes of blood from spewing out. Both of the sexy figures giggled, then looked at each other.

"HEY!" She-Naruto pointed and screamed, "MY TECHNIQUE!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!?" She-Sa'am shrieked, "I came up with this technique! You little copying BITCH!"

"THAT'S IT!" She-Naruto jiggled up to She-Sa'am and suddenly landed a slap across her face. She-Sa'am yelled back and landed her own slap on She-Naruto, and the two started gouging at each other's eyes.

"Yow," Koreki spat, "Cat fight."

She-Sa'am suddenly threw a punch to She-Naruto's gut, then laughed as she crumpled over. With a puff of smoke, Sa'am went back to normal, pointing at the She-Naruto, "Gotcha! I win!"

"I'M GONNA PUKE. BELIEVE IT!" With a puff of smoke Naruto became himself, and delivered on his promise. Sa'am beamed with pride as he leapt back beside his team mates.

"Impressive." Kakashi was shoving bits of tissue up his nose. "Your student is just as annoying as mine. Go, Sasuke, show them what you can do!"

Sasuke stepped forward, watching Tap do the same. The two glared at each other in deep, angry silence. The air around the group began to feel heavy; a bird that tried to fly past dropped dead onto the ground between the two young warriors. The silence lasted for fifteen minutes before it became unbearable.

"…is something happening?" Chiso pushed her fingers against one another.

Taking the advantage of the sudden shock from Chiso's words, Sasuke threw his hands together and shouted, "Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" then brought his hand up to his mouth and blew out an impressive flame at Tap. Everyone gasped as Tap was entirely engulfed in the blaze.

"Switchblade Craze!" Tap suddenly burst out of the flames with a huge swipe of his switchblade. Sasuke leapt back, then gasped as blood started running from his wrist. Tap smirked darkly. "Didn't even singe me."

"You think you're so tough." Sasuke drew out a knife, then charged his opponent. Everyone watched in amazement as Tap flipped over him and tried to strike from behind, Sasuke deflecting the attack. The battle raged on and on until there was a loud 'snickt'! Everyone gasped as blood splashed upon the grass. Both boys came to a halt in surprise, then looked at their arms.

"You cut my other wrists!" Sasuke yelled.

"You bastard, you cut me!"

"How dare you alleviate –my- pain!"

"I'll BURN your house down!" Tap screamed.

"I already BURNT IT DOWN."

"Grr… Take… this!" Tap weakly threw a punch, barely hitting Sasuke as he fell to the ground, watching the world spin from a lack of blood. "I'll… kill… you…"

"Oh yeah? Take… this…" Sasuke fell on his face beside Tap, "My head… woo…"

"Nooo, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cried, "Don't bleed to death!"

"Woah. I call tie." Kakashi scratched the back of his head, "I don't think they'll be getting up any more for the rest of the day. Sakura, you're up next!"

"What? Okay!" Sakura stepped forward, looking serious. Her inner self appeared beside her as she prepared herself for battle, drawing her knives. Her inner self clamored, "Oh, we've got to prove to everyone we can do this! We'll simply murder this girl and impress Sasuke-kun! To see him smile… and to kiss his soft little lips… the sheer LUST…"

Everyone stared in stunned horror. Sa'am interrupted, "Uh, your Inner Self is showing."

"What?!?" Sakura suddenly grabbed the white outline of herself and began throttling it, "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO TALK OUT LOUD!"

"GAAACK!" It uselessly tried to fight her off before going limp.

"Right…" Koreki shook her head, and then pointed, "Chiso! Get her!"

"Yeah!" Chiso concentrated and drew as much chakra as she could into her fingers. Then with blazing speed, her hands shot out rapidly, jabbing all over the place, her finger tips glowing with power. The vicious attack ended none too soon, and she chirped, "Did I get her?"

"…" Sakura stared. "I'm standing behind you."

"Oh! Would you hold still so I can try again?"

"What? No!" Sakura suddenly swung her foot out and kicked Chiso. Chiso let out a cry as she crumpled into a heap, tears rolling from her pale eyes. Sakura was suddenly swept with a wave of guilt, "Oh my god… are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"C-Chiso… feels… like d-death…"

"Oh my god! You poor thing! I'm so sorry! Let me help you!"

"HEY!" Naruto screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MAKE HER DIE! BELIEVE IT!!"

"Shut up, bastard! Does it hurt to laugh? Let me see if you have a bruise!" Sakura tenderly reached out to Chiso. Chiso suddenly looked straight up at her, and there was a loud 'ping' followed by a massive explosion of chakra. As Sakura flew through the sky at fifty miles an hour, she cried, "I've been had! Damn it all!"

Everyone gasped as Sakura landed in the woods somewhere. Sa'am was amazed, "C…Chiso! Sensei, what did she do?!?"

"Took advantage of her opponent's pity. I'm impressed!" Koreki smirked. "I don't think I've ever seen Emotion Bending no Jutsu used so well."

"Chiso feels powerful!" She flexed a muscle, and then blinked. "Where is Chiso? Is this school?"

"Damn, now I'll have to go looking for my student." Kakashi sighed, before growing a big smile. "Well, that brings it down to you and me, Miss Birisu. It'll be fun checking you off in my book!"

"Oh, so you think!" She stepped forward, the air around her growing dark and flames rolling up behind her. Everyone shuddered in terror as she put her hand up slowly. "Have at you!"

Kakashi threw his hands together, preparing his attack. The two sensei muttered their attacks to themselves, drawing up the necessary power. The students watched in amazement, being able to see the waves of chakra flow around the teachers. The two then thrust their hands out, attacking!

"I've finally found a way to defeat you!" Kakashi yelled, "Look! I have… BOTH VOLUMES IN MINT."

Everyone gasped as he held out two orange books entitled "Come Come Paradise". They all expected Koreki to fall to this brutal attack, but were surprised as she didn't even flinch. Instead, the most evil of smirks played across her face, a dirty laugh rolling from her parted lips. "You fool. I have… VOLUME THREE."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Kakashi screamed, falling to his knees and sobbing.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Koreki laughed as the ground began to shake. "I win this round! Now get you and your wimps back to your backwater country! I hope I never see any of you again!"

"DUDE. KAKASHI LOST?"

"Believe it!" Sa'am shouted, laughing.

"DUDE! MY CATCHPHRASE! BELIEVE IT!"

"Come… come on…" Kakashi said weakly, slowly rising to his feet and hanging his head. "Grab Sasuke… we need to find Sakura and get out of here."

Sa'am laughed with glee as they grabbed their trouble-child and turned tail and fled. He had helped win their first big battle! With joy, he shouted after them, "Yeah, losers! Don't come around our hood no more! Wow, sensei, we won! You were so cool!"

"Thanks." She smirked, "Let's stitch up Tap's wrists and get camp picked up, eh?"

"Yeah!"

They got their things together and then lined up behind Koreki, who paused, looking around as the breeze blew past. She slowly gazed from the left to the right, as if caught in some sort of trance. The kids (excluding Chiso) watched in silence.

"Sensei?" Sa'am asked.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"Oh… well, I can't wait to get going! Which way is the Tea Country?"

Koreki bit her lip, "Well…"

"…get out your map and see… we're facing East."

"…Er… oh, no map here!" She laughed, "I've traveled the world so much I have it memorized. I'm –sure- it's to the East! Let's get going… someone make sure Chiso doesn't fall behind."

"Are we going now?" Chiso meandered along, humming, "Adventure, adventure…"

"Hm." Koreki glanced over at Sa'am. "So I hear you're interested in Forbidden Techniques."  
"What? Oh, yes! I've practiced and practiced and have a few memorized… but I'm going to learn them all and become the Best Ninja Anywhere so I can help Orochimaru hack people to bits in the name of 'science'! Do you know a lot of Forbidden Techniques?" Sa'am smiled as Koreki nodded, "Hey! If I show you one, will you show me one?"

"Sure, I guess." She stopped the group, and faced him, "Let's see what you can do."

Tap groaned. "…we're all going to die."

"Shut up!" Sa'am thought hard. What skill would knock Koreki-sensei off her feet? "Oh! Koreki-sensei, have you any dead family members you miss?"

"Dead family members? No…" She rubbed her chin. Slowly she slipped her hand into a pocket and pulled out a folded up picture. "Oh, but here! See this kid?"

Sa'am took it and unfolded it. It was a beautiful young person in a sweet pink kimono, with long, straight black hair and brown, almond eyes. He was amazed at the sheer beauty! "Wow, she's so pretty!"

"That's… a boy."

"WHAT?"

Tap blinked, "…dude… no fucking way…"

"Yeah, it's true. My poor, poor sweet Haku!" Koreki threw her hand to her forehead dramatically, sighing, "That Kakashi bastard and his little students killed the sweet thing! I had been stalking him for a year, and then when I finally caught up with him he was DEAD! DEEEEAD! I've never been more angry! If only he were here again…"

"You must have been good friends! … oh, wait… you did say 'stalking'…" Chiso murmured, "Excuse me."

"Well, okay! For you, my wonderful sensei! I will revive Haku! But we need a sacrifice…" He looked at the other two children who gasped. "Oh Chiiiiso."

"Chiso doesn't want to die!"

"Too bad, get over-"

Some voices came up over the hill, and Koreki waved to the kids to hide behind some bushes, dragging Chiso along with them. They watched as up came another party of ninjas, again bearing the Hidden Leaf symbol on their headbands. Koreki spat, "What's with all these stupid Leaf kids coming into –my- country?!?"

"This trip is the best!" A boy with wild brown hair, a grey jacket and red fangs painted on his face shouted. A white dog was sitting on his head, and it let out a yip. "All expenses paid and free food!"

"Suspicious." The boy next to him had on a pair of round sunglasses and a high-collared coat on that hid his features. There was something moving in his hair, certainly a creepy-crawly.

"Shut up and enjoy it, damn fucking kids…" The stressed-looking female sensei hissed. She looked as if she had been hit by some sort of truck.

"Vacation, yay! Vacation, joy!"

Chiso suddenly gasped. "That sound, that voice that lingers on the edge of death! Why it's Chiso's unfortunate cousin! Oh cousin Hinata!"

Team 1.86 groaned as Chiso burst out of the bushes in front of Team 8. They all gasped, but then relaxed. Hinata laughed and suddenly started jumping, "Cousin Chiso! Oooh! Oooh! I haven't seen you in years! I thought you died!"

"Chiso might have, she doesn't know!"

"Cool!" Kiba pointed, "Look, we found her missing family member!"

"Suspicious." Shino mumbled.

"Whatever are you doing out here, Chiso?"

"Uh… Chiso is going to the Tea Country! … Where are my friends?"

"Friends?"

"Ugh…" Koreki shook her head, in the bushes.

"…" Sa'am suddenly smirked and leapt out. "Hello! There you are, Chiso. I'm her friend, Sa'am!"

"Oh, hello!" Hinata bowed politely, "Have you been taking care of- GACK!"

Everyone froze in silence as Sa'am plunged a knife into her chest. Then he started rapidly forming symbols with his hand as Hinata fell lifelessly to the ground. Sa'am laughed darkly as her body was suddenly covered in the dirt, "Edo Tensei!"

In a matter of seconds, after the appearance of a coffin and a nasty-looking corpse, there was a burst of dark energy as the technique finished. Team 8 backed away as, slowly, a figure in green with a hunter-nin's mask stepped forward.

"IT'S ALIVE!" Sa'am cackled, "My creation LIVES!"

"HE KILLED HINATA!" Kiba screamed. His dog leapt off his head and fled for the hills, whimpering. Kiba followed shortly after with the rest of his team. Their yelling could be heard for several miles.

"C-cousin Hinata?"

"OH MY GOD." Koreki leapt out of the bushes, looking at the newly summoned figure. "It… it… it's really…!"

"…Where in the world?" Haku looked at one of his hands. "Just a minute ago I was in a hot tub with Jesus and Zabuza, now where- … oh hell."

"EEE! This is the best present ever!" Koreki glomped Haku, squeezing the air out of him. "I love it I love it I love it!!!"

"Hah!" Sa'am smirked. "Happy birthday!"

"…dude…" Tap shook his head, "…it actually worked. How?"

"Hey! What you do mean 'how'?!? I'm a master of all Forbidden Techniques!"

"…the –hell- you are."

"HELP." Haku gasped.

"Oooh, my little darling. You shall now be my luuuurve slave." Koreki had stars in her eyes. "You, come with us! You can do our cooking and help us take over the Tea Country!"

"…cousin Hiiinata! Where did you go?" Chiso wandered around in circles, and then ran into a tree. Everyone laughed good-heartedly as she fell onto her butt and cried. "Ouch!"

"Oh, Chiso, you damn idiot." Sa'am laughed.

"She really is precious!" Haku nodded.

"…dumbass. Heh."

"Oh, great fun." Koreki wiped a tear of joy from her eye. "Well, Sa'am, you have impressed your master. So, as promised, I will prepare to show you my own Forbidden Technique, one of many I have mastered over the years! Step back, kids…"

They did so as the air grew warm.

"This is gonna be –big-."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	4. Part the Phore

Koreki Birisu

2/7/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Phoure_

Koreki-sensei started drawing an enormous amount of chakra to perform her promised Forbidden Technique. As blue flames rolled off her body, she shoved a hand roughly into her pocket and whipped out a scroll and a paintbrush, then tossed the scroll out in front of her. The paper unwrapped and then swirled around her as she thrust the paintbrush onto the paper. She shouted with the sound of a thousand voices, "Authorizata no JUTSU!"

The children gasped as she rapidly painted words onto the paper's surface. They glowed on the paper and then set in deeply. Out of nowhere, a thunderbolt cracked across the sky and it began to rain… without a single cloud to be seen.

"Witness the ULTIMATE JUTSU. I rewrote the fabric of time and space and have created… RAIN ON A SUNNY DAY!"

All the children were shocked and soaked at the same time. Sa'am couldn't believe it! Never in his wild imagination had he imagined a power like this! It was too good to be true. "Sensei! Just making it rain is nothing. I dare you to… uh… change Tap into a girl!"

"…the hell?"

"Easy!" Her paintbrush slid across the paper, the ink sinking it. Tap suddenly let out a scream as his shirt filled out and his hips ballooned. He started shrieking in a light voice as Koreki smirked. "See?"

"CHANGE ME BACK!" Tap whined.

"Oh! How amazing!" Chiso suddenly put her hands on Tap's new cleavage, "Oh, and it's so firm!"

"EEK!"

"That's amazing!" Haku gasped. "And unnecessarily cruel, too!"

Sa'am was doubled over in laughter. Tap started crying and pulled out his switchblade, slitting his stitched-up wrists again. Koreki drew a line through the words she had put on the scroll and Tap lost his female figure. The scroll snapped back up in a perfect roll and she put it and the brush in her pocket. "And that is that."

"Can you change –everything-, sensei??"

"Why yes! I could destroy the world itself if I wished!"

"…then…" Tap paused, letting the blood run down his arm, "…couldn't you just write in that you took over the Tea Country?"

"NO!" Lighting shot past behind her as flames roared. "IT'D BE TOO EASY!!"

"…whatever. Dumbass."

"My new goal in life is to become just like you, Koreki-sensei, and learn Authorizata for myself!"

"Fat chance, fatty McFatfat!" Koreki chuckled, "You'd have to get the scroll off my dead body before you could do that."

"I see…" He sighed sadly.

"Okay, let's continue! Before you know it, we'll be in the Tea Country! East we go!"

"Excuse me." Haku chimed in, "The Tea Country is south from here."

"… SHUT UP!" Koreki screamed, "WE'RE GOING EAST!"

"Okay, fine, don't mind me."

"Come on, people. Chiso, don't get lost."

"Okay… oh… Chiso is already…"

Three days later Team 1.86 was standing knee-deep in some mud. Tap was on the edge and was tying a noose while Sa'am tried to keep Chiso from drowning. Haku was busy knitting a sweater as Koreki looked around.

"…I think we went the wrong way."

"Where –is- this, anyway?" Sa'am pulled Chiso up for the third time, "I've never seen so much muck!"

"Well," Haku busily clicked his needles together, "As we went straight east, we're in an unnamed country, and will eventually reach the sea. I can see why nobody lives here, now that I've visited."

"Grr…" Koreki was steamed. "I can't believe Fate made me come this way! Damn you! Damn you all to hell! You blew it uuuuuup!"

"Blew what up?" Chiso gurgled, mud dribbling from her mouth.

"MY PRIDE."

"Sensei… do we have to walk all the way back?"

"YES. Let's turn around and try this –again-."

"…shit…" Tap pried his legs loose and started walking. "…going to murder everyone…"

"Chiso… cannot… move… going under again…" She sank into the mud once more.

"Dammit!" Sa'am reached into the mud to grab her. "This place sucks!"

"Come on, kids." They all groaned and Koreki shot a glare at them, "What? You expect me to –write- us back where we were?"

They all nodded.

"…oh, alright."

Five seconds later, Koreki was tucking her scroll away. "Now we can start over."

"Remember…" Haku finished up his sweater. "South this time."

"That's into the Fire Country!" Chiso cheered, "I can visit my family!"

"You're from the Fire Country??" Sa'am was amazed.

"Chiso believes so. Mommy said, 'Chiso, you're a damn annoying little accident. Get in this basket, I'm tossing you in the river.' Chiso did and Miss Iruta was nice enough to not eat me when she fished me out."

**"…**Moses wanna-be." Tap slapped the back of her head.

"Ow! Don't hurt Chiso!"

"Maybe we can exchange you for another Hyuuga."

"Boohoo!"

"Come on, students. Follow the sensei!" She marched off proudly.

The group came to a run-down, drab looking town near the end of the day. The place was grimy and filled with people that looked incredibly seedy. The streets were simply paths in the mud, and everything smelled like dirty gym sock. The kids groaned.

"What is this place?" Sa'am plugged his nose.

"Post town. We're, like, two miles from the border."

"…please tell me we're not staying."

"Why not?"

"Chiso is scared!"

"Hm." Haku had put the new sweater on Chiso. "Do you think it's too big?"

"Come on, somebody will let us in, I think." Koreki walked through the town. All the people watched her in silence. The kids felt very uneasy and crowded up behind her as they continued. She paused at a house labeled 'Inn' and burst down the door. "HELLO MY COMRADES. Might there be vacancy?"

The man behind the desk grumbled. "Depends on how much you can pay."

"I can pay three house bills faster than Donald Trump!"  
"Then there's fifteen rooms avalible."

"We'll take two, please."

"Payment comes first." He smiled, showing off his rotten teeth.

"Why, of course." Koreki walked up, reached into her pocket, and put a small bag on the desk. It jingled, and the innkeeper looked delighted. "Go ahead. Count it."

"Oh, goody… Hey!" The man opened the bag, "These are a bunch of rusty nails!"

"You can have them all too!" Koreki snatched the keys and was gone down the hall faster than anyone could imagine. She opened the door, and then waved the nervous students in. She locked the door behind them. "Wow, this is a high-class room!"

"…" Tap eyed a cockroach slinking across the stained floors. "…you're fucking insane."

"Shut up, Dontglass. Oh, there's the door to my room! Haku, could you feed these guys while I take a nap? Great thanks." Koreki disappeared into the next room, the door locking behind her.

"…oh well." Haku looked around, spying a dirty old rice cooker and a bag of brown rice, or maybe mouse droppings, labeled 'Complimentary Breakfast courtesy of your Local Gangs'. "Guess this will do."

Later, after the barely edible dinner, Sa'am and Tap were arguing heatedly. Sa'am pushed Chiso at Tap and shouted, "No way, you put her in YOUR bed!"

"I'm not sleeping with a retard. You put her in YOUR bed!" He shoved her back at Sa'am.

"Chiso feels woozy…"

"Boys, boys!" Haku caught Chiso, "Either you can sleep together and have your enemies call you gay, or take Chiso and have the right to brag about sleeping with a woman the next time you talk with your immature friends."

"…I want Chiso in my bed!" Sa'am grabbed her.

"…no, she's sleeping in my bed!"

"Barf!"

In the morning, the boys were sleeping on the floor as Chiso and Haku had the beds to themselves. Everyone was peacefully slumbering as Koreki stirred in her room. Yawning, she pulled one of the scrolls out of her pocket and spread it open, biting the end of her thumb and wiping blood on it.

A very loud 'POOMFH' followed, and then the door was exploded off it's hinges with an explosion of lacey undergarments.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIGH!" Shinji Ikari grabbed his head in an alternate dimension and screamed.

"…What the hell is wrong with you NOW?" Asuka looked up with a frown.

"PANTY ATTACK!"

"Pussy boy."

"WHO WROTE THIS SCROLL?" Koreki growled, standing in the doorway, covered in panties.

"Er…" Sa'am blinked. He and Tap suddenly pointed at Chiso.

"CHISO, DAMN YOU!"

"What did Chiso do?!?"

"I'm going to KILL YOU!"

"AAAAH!" Chiso ducked under the covers.

"Koreki, please!" Haku stopped her, "Just what happened?"

"I told them to pack my things into scrolls for when I traveled. I –precisely- stated they had to put each item separate, or something like this was bound to happen. I am angry! I am furious! I AM ENRAGED!" Flames shot up behind her and the kids cried.

"Sensei, stop!" Sa'am shouted, "Just unsummon it!"

"… oh, right." The flames disappeared as she called off the panties. "You guys sleep well?"

"…no, my nights are filled with nightmares…" Tap slowly ran his switchblade across his wrist, "…I am tormented when awake and asleep… no breaks for me, not even in my dreams."

"Isn't that sad? Too bad I don't care." Koreki grinned, "Well kids, let's get us some breakfast and head out, what you say?"

"Yay, breakfast! Chiso is so hungry."

"CHISO GETS NO FOOD." Sa'am yelled, "You ruined Koreki-sensei's scroll!"

"Boohoo!"

After getting their meager things together, the group headed outside, intending to find a place to eat. But as a ninja flew past the building and many others were trying to fight, Koreki blinked calmly and deducted, "There seems to be a siege."

"A SEIGE?!?" Chiso suddenly threw her fingers out in random directions- Tap yelled and collapsed immediately after the onslaught of Hakke Rokujuunshou. Chiso beamed, "I got one!"

"…you… bastard!" Tap trembled in pain.

"Who in the world is attacking, sensei?!?"

She squinted, looking into the fray. "…oh god… not… not them…"

"Hah HAH! Take this!" The man in green was beating the shit out of three people at once, "Taste the bitter side of JUSTICE, you disgusting pigdogs! Hey, how you kids holding up?!?"

"This is a breeze!" A tall boy in a nearly matching outfit was kicking the crap out of an armed ninja, knocking them out of the way and starting right on the other. "Why hasn't anyone else come to clean this rat nest out?!?"

"Take this!" A boy with pale skin and the same pale eyes as Chiso was using the Hakke Rokujuunshou on his target, the veins around his eyes bulging as he moved with incredible speed.

A girl in a Chinese outfit yelled something shrilly and was beating people off with a long rod. She was keeping the enemies off the back of her other team members, but wasn't nearly as fast as anyone else.

"Sensei, what should we do??"

"Duh. Take them out!" Koreki pushed the kids forward, "Into the fray!"

"Eeek!" Sa'am dug out a knife and nervously waited for an opening. He ran in, focusing all his power and slashing at the black-haired boy. With a keenly placed foot, Sa'am was on the ground with a headache. "Owww!"

Tap Dontglass leapt over Sa'am's body and slashed at the boy in green, but then was hit from behind by the leader of the group. He was tossed aside with the rest of them. As he struggled to get back up, Chiso innocently waded into the group, somehow avoiding injury. The pale-eyed boy turned her attention to her, but froze before attacking.

"…Chiso??"

"Oh, that voice! Could it be Chiso's well-to-do-cousin, Neji?"

"Why the hell are you here?!?" He pulled her behind him as a ninja tried to stab her in the back, "Shit!"

Koreki and Haku wisely waited until the crowd was defeated, and they watched as the 'heroes' cheered in victory. Koreki stuffed her hands in her pockets and walked forward, looking at them. "Well, aren't you guys so special."

"GASP, It is one of my mortal enemies!" Maito Gai jabbed a finger out at her, "I should have expected to see you, my youthful foe!"

"Yeah, yeah, hey! Give back my useless student!"

Neji glared, "What? Are you talking about Chiso?"

"Chiso is useless most times." She admitted.

"Yeah, my property. Give it back!"

"Hey!" Rock Lee shouted, "They're trying to kidnap a sweet, innocent little girl who seems to be related to Neji!"

Tenten squealed something in such a high pitch nobody could make out the words.

"Don't you worry, young miss!" Maito Gai readied himself to fight again, "I'll take out this miscreant and you'll never have to worry again!"

"Oh boy!"

"You don't want to do this. Koreki slowly reached her hand into her pocket, pulling out a smaller scroll. Her foes prepared themselves as she suddenly bit her thumb and smeared blood across the words. "By contract of blood, I call the Black Poison!"

A pool of purple liquid spread out in front of her, bubbling and releasing foul vapors. There was a sharp 'Mew!' as, with a burst of energy, Alberta the Black Poison leapt out. Maito Gai let out a loud gasp, "A dark creature of Hidden Sound! Back off, kids! It'll kill you in one bite!"

"My head…" Sa'am slowly stumbled to his feet.

"Get back down there, evildoer!" Rock Lee kicked him in the face.

"OW!"

"Stop it! Give me back my students!"

Maito Gai growled, but knew he stood no chance. His students pulled back closer to him as Tap and Sa'am painfully crawled from the pile of bodies, over to the safety of Koreki's shadow.

"And the girl…"

Neji growled, but then pushed Chiso out in front of him. "Walk."

"Okay!" She meandered forward until tripping over a corpse's leg.

"So. Come to save the day? Clean the place out?"

"First the post town, next the entire country!" Rock Lee shouted, "You will fall in the name of what is good and right!"

"I don't think so." She smirked. "Though you may be powerful, we are three times more! …well, ignoring the kids, but me and Alberta and Haku here? Yeah, we could wipe the floor with your ass."

"We'll never let this happen." Maito Gai pointed at her again, "We challenge you!"

"Sounds like fun! Bring it."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	5. Part the Hive

Koreki Birisu

2/7/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Hive_

Koreki stood with a smirk as she took a defensive stance in front of the 'Team of Justice', who all came at her at once. The rest of Team 1.86 watched in horror as they all began to kick at and slash at and beat at their master with incredible fury and speed. But even as Maito Gai, Rock Lee, Neji Hyuuga and Tenten fought with all their might, Koreki was blocking the attacks with blazing speed. She was moving so fast it looked like her arms were a blur, as blue flames rolled off her figure. Koreki then let out a yell; her opponents were shoved back with a burst of chakra. Koreki's eyes were glowing and her face had darkened considerably as she smirked, fangs gleaming.

"Can't touch this," she hissed with a thousand voices, "Bitches."

"W-what in the name of love and peace?!?" Rock Lee stammered, "What –is- this person??"

"This woman…" Maito Gai tried to remain calm, "…Is the 'Becoming Death'! She has been taken over by the spirit of greed when she stole the Living Scroll and obtained the skill of Authorizata! She single-handedly murdered her entire clan under the Living Scroll's wishes!"

"Oh damn, that IS evil." Neji gasped.

Koreki jammed her hand into her pocket and whipped out the scroll, which swept out around her in a swirl. With her free hand, she rapidly slid her paintbrush across it's pale surface, screaming, "AUTHORIZATA NO JUTSU!"

"NOOO!" There was a loud 'pop' noise as Rock Lee began screaming, "MY EYEBROWS ARE GONE!"

"EEEE!" Team 1.86 squealed, "Nice attack, sensei!"

"My beautiful student's handsome eyebrows!! You fiend!"

"Yours are NEXT!"

"Ack! Retreeeeat!" Maito Gai grabbed the 'injured' Rock Lee and tore off. Neji gasped and followed along on his heels. But Tenten was frozen in panic, squeaking out some odd syllables that didn't seem to add up into anything.

"Oooh, what a tasty little girl." Koreki sauntered forward, the scroll flowing around her like a ghost, "I think we'll have you for breakfast!"

"Wow, Koreki-sensei… this is great!"

"…pass me more thigh." Tap held his plate out, and then ate the new portion.

"Chiso really enjoys how the duck sauce enhances the flavor!"

"Are you sure you don't want some, Haku?" Koreki chewed loudly.

"I'm… I'm going to be –sick-…" Haku held his stomach.

"Well don't do it here!"

"I can't believe we'd be having Chinese for breakfast!" Sa'am laughed, licking the juices off his fingers, "This is the best!"

"Mm." Chiso tilted her head, "What ever happened to the girl we were having over for breakfast?"

Everyone started laughing. "Oh Chiso, you damn fool."

"…oh dear." She put a hand over her face, "…Chiso is a cannibal!"

"Oh, it's a good source of protein, so stop complaining." Koreki finished up her meal, "I'm full! How about you guys?"

"Yeah!" Sa'am burped. "I feel ready for anything!"

"Great! Then let's start off for the Tea Country right away!" Koreki got up, "We'll leave the rest of Tenten for any hungry homeless people that come by."

"You're so thoughtful!" Chiso chirped.

"This way!"

Team 1.86 started out, happy and full of delicious Tenten. They came through a great valley and the children gasped in joy as they came to the falls. Into the living rock were carved two massive figures, depicting the hokage of the Fire Country and the unidentified hokage warrior of the Rice Field country. The river powered down between them, the mists displaying a wide rainbow. Koreki paused to gaze up at the falls as the children clamored.

"Chiso hears a lot of water!"

"Wow, Sensei!! What is this place?!?"

"Well, Sa'am, this is Shuumatsu no Tani, the site of a great battle between the two shinobi carved into the rock. It was said their battle created the very valley we're standing in. Across the river is the start of the Fire Country."

"…cool…" Tap looked around, "…I bet people died here."

"You're so depressing." Haku was knitting a scarf, following as Koreki started off again, "Don't you ever say anything positive?"

"…the world is a dark place. Light has no meaning."

"Damn it…" Haku sighed, needles clicking together.

"In a day or so, we'll be nearing Konoha…" Koreki muttered, "We'll have to keep pretty low, less somebody recognizes me. They're always like, 'Oh you, it's the murderer, get her boys, cut off her head, let's get the reward for her' and it always ends in such a mess and then my body count –and- reward money goes up. It's really annoying!"

"…Sensei." Sa'am gulped. "What exactly… are you wanted for?"

"Well… you see…"

_Several years ago, located in the forgotten, tiny Scroll Country that closely bordered the Fire Country to the west, a town existed called Nekozawa, named after the wide stream and large number of the local felines who were the guardian spirits of the people living there. The town was built by the Birisu clan, who would not let those of outside blood live in the village, but were known for being helpful to travelers who only wished to pass by. It was sometime during the summer when a young girl with long brown hair passed by the river and noticed a foreigner._

"Hey!" The girl came to a halt, holding on a wide-brimmed straw hat with a mesh netting over it to keep the mosquitos at bay. "Who the heck are you? Another traveler?"

The boy looked up from watching the water, a headband embossed with a leaf shining in the sunlight. He remained silent, looking at her.

"Maybe you don't know who I am." The girl squinted in anger, "My name is Koreki Michirisa Birisu! I'm the daughter of the village elder! So when I ask you a question, you gotta answer, punk!"

"Z.W."

"What kind of name is THAT? Are you from Hidden Leaf?"

"Obviously."

"You're a genin, aren't you?"

"At the time." Z.W. tilted his head, "So what do –you- do?"

"Patrol my hood, yo!"

"Is that all?" The boy laughed. "You're weird."

"WHAT! I am ENRAGED!" Little Koreki grit her teeth and pointed at him, her straw hat tilting, "You're the weird one, foreigner! Coming in here and talking to me like I'm some low-grade streetwalker… well I'm not! I'm just as good as any barely-passed ninja even if I don't go to the academy!"

"Really? Come get me then."

"…fine! I will!" Koreki ran forward with a yell and tried to swing her arm out at him, but then felt him grasp her other arm. With a yank, Koreki splashed into the stream and spat out water as she rose to the surface. Z.W. was laughing at her and pointing as the girl frowned. "Hey!"

"Aw, man, I like your style, but you've got no skills." Z.W. kept laughing.

"Shut up!" Koreki hauled herself out of the stream, wringing out her kimono, "I just wanted to be easy on you so you didn't die!"

"Hah. You know… I had heard about this place before at school, and they told me how you, the second child of the elder, was talented at… nothing." Z.W. smiled brightly. "When the rest of the Birisu clan is known for writing summoning scrolls for battles… and even the Hokage himself! Can you even summon your own village guardian?"

"S…sure I can!" Koreki cried, "Here, kitty kitty!"

A dog came running up.

"Dammit!"

"Hah hah! I'll be sure to tell everyone at the academy about this!"

"WHAT YOU SAY!" Koreki shouted. "Don't you dare!"

"I'll be here for a week, you sneak attack me and I'll promise to keep my mouth shut. But I've got to get something to eat!" The boy waved and walked off, following the stream down. "See you later, Koreki!"

"…Oh damn." Koreki grumbled, "Ah, I know what to do in a situation like this!"

Little Koreki ran to the center of the town, passing through gates that lead to the main manor, nodding at the guards as she did. Up the stairs she ran, bursting open the door and looking in at the figure at the desk wearing a long, flowing white dress. "DADDY!"

"Oh!" He turned to face her, putting his ink brush down, earrings jingling as he moved. Eiji Birisu was best known for being hit on by confused travelers passing through his city, "What's wrong, Koreki?"

"I need some ninja skills! Like, now!"

"Uh oh, did someone challenge you again?"

"Yes! Lend me one of your scrolls!"

"Well…" He dug around in his desk and pulled out one neatly wrapped up with silk ribbon, "This one summons a cupcake!"

"…Dammit, I can't surprise attack someone with a tasty treat!!"

"Now now, I don't want you fighting." Eiji handed her the scroll, "Not after what happened to your sisters."

"Aww, c'mon!"

"Sorry, you know the rules!" He turned and went back to writing on the scroll on his desk as Koreki frowned sorely. The effeminate man had been working on this particular one for weeks under special order of the Hokage of Hidden Leaf, and was nearing the end. "Now go show him the cute little cupcake!"

"Dammit!" Koreki grumbled, but then eyed the scroll her father was working on. "Say Daddy… what does that scroll do again?"

"Well, we've been trying to make a scroll that could be re-written in the face of emergency to serve various purposes. So far, though, it's not working the way we planned. This is the third attempt so far… my hands are aching!"

"I see. Maybe you should go take a break!"

"I think I will!" He got up and headed out the door, brushing his long hair back, "I'll be out at the garden, dear. Why don't you come with me?"

"No no, I'm going to try to summon this cute little cupcake."

"Okay!"

As he left, Koreki smirked and then hopped onto the desk chair and looked at the scroll. It was filled with a bunch of kanji, a lot that Koreki could not read. But from the gist of what she could, it was calling on the powers of good to give it power. Koreki blinked. "My dad's stupid. He's got it all wrong! When you want the ULTIMATE POWER, you've got to call on the forces of –evil-! Let me see…"

She took the ink brush, dipped it in the nearby pot, and then began writing beside her father's work. "Let's see… Instead of calling on the power of Amaterasu here, why not try… the forces of the underworld!! Sadie sounds like a really evil demon name, let's put THAT down."

When she added in the very last letter, there was a sudden pulse of energy as the room grew dark and began shaking violently. Koreki whimpered and sank into her father's chair as a large hole opened up in the middle of the floor and eerie lights flowed out. A gruesome, half-decaying corpse crawled from the depths, with a pair of gleaming fangs and blue flames rolling off its bones and skin. It let out a dark laugh as Koreki shrieked.

"WHY H4L0 TH4R!!" It roared. "$4d13 RI$3$ 0/\/c3 /\/\0R3!!"

"Eeeek! A body!!"

"jUU c4ll3d m3 fr0/\/\ my d33p $lumb3r…" Sadie hissed, "/\/0\/\/ y00 wi11 83 /\/\y $l4\/3 i/\/ exch4ng3 4 ur d33p3$t de$1r3 of p0w4h!!1"

Koreki screamed as Sadie lunged forward, knocking her back as the demon lunged forward into the scroll. The scroll glowed and suddenly began rewriting itself, binding the contract to the girl. A deep wound suddenly appeared on her forehead, bleeding in the shape of a sudden stroke of ink.

The scroll then rolled off the desk to her feet, knocking the brush down beside the scared child. As it lay across the floor, the words, 'Try writing your desire…' were displayed across the paper's surface.

Koreki shuddered, but slowly picked up the paintbrush and shakily touched it to the paper. Trying to think of something, she was shocked as her hand was suddenly pulled into writing some words. "Wait! I don't want to take over the country, no!!"

Within seconds history had changed forever. Due to the Living Scroll's dark nature, however, it resulted in the widespread slaughter of each member of the Birisu clan but Koreki through the town. Afterwards, the buildings crumbled, leaving Koreki and the scroll dangling from her hands. The traveler, Z.W., looked up in surprise from his lunch. Koreki stared at him, and then an evil, fanged smirk slid across her lips.

"Guess what –I- can do!"

"Wow!" Chiso pushed her fingers together, "That particular section showed an uncharacteristic sort of seriousness here and there!"

"..that's… dude… so depressing… it makes me want to BURN things…"

"But… but Sensei! What happened to the Scroll Country?!? Why have I never heard of it?!?"

"Because I… wrote it out of existence!" Koreki cackled. "But that Z.W. guy… since I never got his full name, I couldn't erase him. Damn! So he went and told the Hidden Leaf guys and then suddenly there was ten thousand people trying to kill me. So when I wrote myself away from the fight, they listed me as a missing-nin and now I'm in those damn books!"

"…but… then… why… are you a teacher?"

"I don't know. Cushy job."

"…I see." Tap carefully drew patterns in his wrist with his switchblade.

"Hmm, Chiso wonders why, then, Koreki-sensei is trying to take the Tea Country out and not the Hidden Leaf village…?"

"Because Orochimaru is working on that already. Besides… THE TEA COUNTRY IS GAY!"

Haku put the scarf he had knitted around Koreki's neck and tied it into a bow. "There, is that long enough? Or maybe it's too long, hmm…"

"Well, no use in putting it off any longer." Koreki continued leading her students, "Come hither! Soon it will be dark and we must camp, or I will be pissy for many hours and take my rage unthoughtfully out on you children."

"Eeek!" They all cried.

"MAN, LIKE, IT'S BAD STUFF. BELIEVE IT!"

"My eyebrows…" Rock Lee sobbed into his hands. "And… and Tenten!"

"They're really screwing everything up!" Sakura growled.

"They got Hinata too!" Kiba held his dog close.

"What?!?" Neji yelled. "They've got Chiso captive!"

"We've got to do something!! We should put aside our differences in the name of JUSTICE and destroy these fiends!" Maito Gai threw a dramatic pose. "Let us join in ADVENTURE!"

"You're sounding like Piroshi again." Kakashi groaned. "They're heading for the Tea Country. Which means… they will have to pass through the Fire Country, right? So we'll just wait for them to wander in and then-"

"BURN them." Sasuke growled.

"COOL! YEAH! LET'S KILL THEM ALL! BELIEVE IT!!"

"Then it's settled. We will plan an ambush… let's get to Hidden Leaf right away.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	6. Part the Styx

Koreki Birisu

2/8/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Styx_

Team 1.86 had stopped for the evening and was sitting around a campfire that crackled, soft clouds of smoke wafting the sweet smell across the area. The kids were busy eating leftovers from their breakfast, cooking the tender Chinese meat over the fire on sticks. Haku was absent-mindedly playing with a little blob of water he rolled between his hands and molded into amusing shapes. Koreki sat in silence, eyes closed, concentrating.

"Chiso wants to cook her own food! Will someone give me a stick?"

"…" Tap dug in his pocket and pulled out his switchblade, flipping out the blade. He smirked and motioned for Sa'am to keep quiet as the pudgy boy started laughing. Tap held it out blade-first at Chiso. "…here."

"Oh, thank you Ta- SHARP!"

Sa'am and Tap burst into mocking laughter.

"Hey!" Koreki spat, "Don't cut Chiso! If she bleeds to death, I'm going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble with the Hyuuga clan when they find her body. I'm not good at cutting them up fine enough."

"Why is Chiso even in Hidden Sound?" Sa'am poked at her, "The Hyuuga clan lives in the Hidden Leaf village, right?"

"Oh dear… Chiso assumes she must fill everyone in?" Chiso held her bleeding hand out, unable to do a thing about it, "She will if someone bandages this up for her. Well… a long time ago, Chiso did live in Hidden Leaf…!"

_It was a golden, sunny afternoon when Chiso was brought into the world. Her family was completely overjoyed by their new arrival! However, there was something terribly wrong with the infant; her mother had just undergone rehab for her various addictions… but it was far too late. When it was proved the child could not see a damn thing even if it was biting her on the nose, the entire family rapidly lost interest in the girl. Her father left when she was at the tender age of three… and then on her fourth birthday…_

"Yay!" The little Chiso clapped her hands, "Today is my birthday!"

She flopped face-first out of bed, then got up and blindly meandered around her room until she found the door. Stepping out, she followed the wall with her hand, until walking into the open living-space. The room was full of random objects scattered around, so Chiso fell over several times until coming up to the couch and nudging the soft blob on it.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

"Damn kid…" Juno flipped over, "I've got a killer headache… go away…"

"MOMMY. It's CHISO'S BIRTHDAY."

"Whoop-dee-doo."

"Don't I get a present?"

"Uh…" The woman looked around, and then grabbed a sock off the floor. She rolled it up, handing it over. "There we are, I got you a pet hamster. But don't squeeze it."

"OH BOY! My very own hamster!" Chiso squealed. "I want to go show my cousins!"

"Whatever, don't leave the door open." Juno put her head back down, wishing she hadn't drank that entire bottle of wine by herself the night before. "Maybe one of them will feed you."

"Okay!"

So Chiso wandered into the door before walking out. She held her sock carefully, petting it gently as she meandered down the street. People stared as she walked past, cooing to her pet sock. She would have completely wandered out of the town if Hinata hadn't stepped out of her house at that moment.

"Oh, Cousin Chiso!" Hinata walked over to her, "Happy Birthday!"

"Why, it's Chiso's unfortunate cousin Hinata. Sankyuu. Look, I got a hamster!"

"…uhm… very… nice."

"Teehee! I think I will call it George. But he smells kind of bad!"

"Well… why don't we have some fun?!? It is your birthday! Let's go find Neji and play some games!"

"Okay!" Chiso let herself be lead off.

About ten minutes later the girls were coming back, looking crushed. Hinata let out a sigh. "He's always busy trying to look important! It's no fun! Maybe we should go to your house instead, Chiso. There's always weird people coming in an out."

"Really? Chiso did not notice."

"Yeah!" Hinata lead her in the open door and paused in front of Juno, bowing politely. "Hello, aunt Juno!"

"Fuck… another kid?" Juno gave in and sat up, "Okay, fine, I'll wake up… what do you two want anyway?"

"To celebrate!" They both cheered.

"Celebrate… all right… I have a little game. We'll play boats! If you can help me find my biiiig basket, we'll go to the river and play. Won't that be fun?"

"I don't like the river!" Chiso murmured.

"SHUT UP! We're playing boats!"

Pretty soon the girls were down by the river, where Juno had set up the basket. They had tied a sheet to a pole and put it in like a sail. However, Hinata and Chiso had a very awkward, bad feeling as Juno pushed it to the edge and then smiled sweetly. "I believe the birthday girl should try first!"

"Uhm… Chiso doesn't want to…"

"Oh, it's not that bad. Come try it!"

"But Aunt Juno… we're a little scared!"

"Aw, c'mon!"

"Why does Mommy want Chiso to try the boat so bad?"

Juno sighed angrily. "Okay, you want the truth? Chiso, you're a damn annoying little accident. Get in this basket, I'm tossing you in the river. I hope you end up in another country because you irritate the HELL out of me."

"Boohoo!"

"You can't put Chiso in the basket and get rid of her!" Hinata cried.

"Would you rather I put you in here?"

"Meep! Have fun, cousin Chiso! Write back if you ever learn how!" Hinata ran away in fear. Juno then smirked and grabbed Chiso and shoved her into the basket, pushing it into the water.

"Waah! Chiso doesn't want to go downstream!"

"Then I'll do you a birthday favor and send you –up- stream." Juno pulled out a piece of paper and quickly folded it into a chinese-star shape, and then pinned it to the back. With a few movements of her hand, she enchanted it, and it began spinning like a propeller. Chiso's 'boat' began taking off upstream. "Goodbye! I hope I never see you again!"

"Boohoo!" Chiso cried. For countless hours she floated upstream, being ignored by the villagers before heading into the countryside. When she finally fell asleep in the basket, miles and miles from home, some fisherwoman cast her line and snagged it on the woven object.

"I got something big!" Miss Iruta reeled it in as hard as she could.

"Here it comes, here it comes!" Her friend squealed.

The basket came over and the two looked over it in surprise. "A girl!"

"Oh that's a lame story!" Sa'am groaned, "How is it even possible some enchanted origami sent your stupid basket upstream and –up a waterfall-?"

"Chiso admittedly does not know."

"…why, then… why are her relatives… only mildly surprised she's alive?" Tap was picking at the scabs on his wrists boredly. "…I mean… you know…"

"Well DUH." Koreki picked her teeth with a little stick, "Nobody really cares about Chiso. She's just as useless as that bag of nails I gave to the innkeeper."

Everyone started laughing as Chiso fretted. "Boohoo! But maybe if we go to Konoha, we can see Chiso's Mommy again. Oh boy!"

"If she didn't die of some sort of overdose," added Haku.

"Oh well!" Sa'am had finished his dinner and was simply enjoying the fire. "Hey! What if I tell you guys about my past!"

"…dude… you have none."

"What?!? Really?!?" Sa'am blinked. "But then… how…?"

"Eh, we found you in a field somewhere." Koreki smirked. "Cabbage patch, perhaps? Muahahaha."

"NOOO! I hate cabbage! But don't mock me, Tap, I bet you have none either!"

"…on the contrary…" Tap paused from mutilating himself, "…my past is dark and twisted and full of pain, death, and agony… suffering is all I have come to know… I have never experienced love."

"Wow!" Sa'am gasped, "That's so emo!"

"…yes… so it began like this…"

_The manor was dark and the lights were never on; they all had been broken in their sockets. Glass lied about in shards all over the halls, and various knives and needles lied about on the tables. This was the Dontglass property, deep within the Rice Field country. The entire house should have been condemned, but nobody dared get within fifty feet of the property, less they succumb to the dark forces surrounding the house. Tap was five years old when one, cold rainy day…_

He woke up, after sleeping on the floor, with only a ratty old quilt and a falling-to-pieces teddy bear covered in stitches. Tap squinted in the darkness as he rose from his corner. He remembered that today, the new academy had opened in Hidden Sound. That's right, he was to be sent into town to be trained.

"Hey, kid," His father walked into the room, "You awake yet?"

"…yes…"

"Get ready to go, and hurry!"

"…hate you…" Tap glared.

"Shut up. I'll be talking with your bitch of a mother." He walked down the hallway quietly. Tap grumbled and found his falling-apart old shoes and put them on, stuffing a couple of razorblades in his pocket off a table. Slowly he shuffled after his father, stopping in the doorway of the parlor room.

"There he is," his mother giggled, "My little darling!"

"Shut up, bitch!" Hotaka slapped Michi over the head, "I didn't give you permission to talk!"

"Don't hit mother!" Tap shouted, tears staining his pale, thin cheeks.

"You shut up too!" Hotaka pointed at his son, "Now we're sending you to school, you better pass with flying colors or there will be consequences! I expect nothing but straight A's and perfection! Any less and there will be blood spilt this day!"

"…I… can't… take it anymore!" Tap grabbed a switchblade off the table beside him and lunged forward, yelling! With all his might, he plunged it deep into his father's stomach and smiled sickly as-

"STOP!" Sa'am screamed, "You're going to kill us all with your past!"

"…sorry."

"Woah." Haku blinked, "That's worse than me. But then what happened after you-"

"Killed Mother. Burnt the house down. Then the police came and sent me to school."

"Aaah."

"Darn… I want a dramatic and plot-changing history too!" Sa'am sighed. "It's not fair I'm just a nobody you found in a cabbage field. I'm the main character, aren't I suppose to have a big, dramatic entry story?!?"

"Excuse me," Haku interrupted yet again, "I believe the only name in the title of this story is 'Koreki', followed by 'AND her students'. I think that nulls your position, yes?"

"Aww dammit, sensei!"

"Haha!" Koreki laughed. "But now it is time for sleep! We're leaving right away in the morning, so pass out as soon as you can! I'll be seeing you all after dreamtime. Oh yeah!"

The next morning, Team 2 was happily marching along as the soft sunlight peered down over them. Santo was happily complimenting his students as they walked, over a success the day before. "Though we were ambushed, you two-"

"Hey!" Tama shouted, "Me and Seek and Maya make –three!-"

"Oh, right. You three did splendidly! Maya, I'm impressed with your speed and grace. Seek, Tama, your trickery and companionship rule the battlefield! Why, I'm proud to say you're training under me! In no time, I'll be able to send you to the exams to become real ninjas!"

"Well, naturally!" Maya laughed. "Then… I'll be able to find Tap again… I wonder where you are, my sweet! I miss you so…"

"Hey!" Seek paused. "Do you smell that?"

The team stopped and sniffed. They all looked at each other. "Campfire."

"…Tama… do you get the feeling all of a sudden…"

"…yeah, that really sickly, 'Oh my god' sort of thing…"

"What?" Maya then pointed and shouted, "Oh my god!"

"Well well!" Koreki and Team 1.86 walked up, moving away from their camp (which was neatly packed back up in scrolls) "If it isn't goody-goody little Santo and his piglets. How are you gentlemen!"

"MAYA!" cried Sa'am. "You came looking for-"

"Oh, Tap!" Her eyes filled with tears as she leapt forward and took him into her arms. "My world has been so cold without your dark, creepy stares and your beautiful hair. Where have you been?!?"

"…going… to… slaughter…"

"Hey! Maya!" Sa'am waved at her and got no reply. "I have no choice. RAINBOW NO JUTSU!"

Tap screamed and collapsed at the sudden wave of happy colors. Maya gasped and started crying. Sa'am took his chance and kicked the emochild out of the way, clearing his throat and smiling, "Oh, what a shame! You know, sometimes emo people die of razor poisoning!"

"Tap!" She sobbed.

"Come here, my sweet, I shall comfort you and then show you my SPECIAL secret Jutsu!"

"SHORYUKEN!" Her fist shot up and Sa'am went flying. "Pervert!"

"H-hey!" Santo pulled her back, laughing nervously, "Now now, don't be so violent, especially to the undergrads. Remember, they're weaker and more stupid than you!"

"M…Maya…san…" Sa'am whined.

"So, what are you all doing out here?" Santo smiled.

"Heading for the Tea Country. Why are –you- here?"

"Heading for Hidden Leaf." Seek stated plainly, "We're training too, and since the exams are there anyway…"

"…we might as well go now, right?" Tama shrugged his shoulders, connected to Seek's.

"…" Koreki squinted. "Are you following us?"

"Er, no! No, nothing like that!"

"Hmm." She walked up to Santo, who swallowed hard.

"R-really. It's nothing… that bad…"

"…I challenge you to a duel!" She pulled a glove out of her pocket and slapped him across the face with it. All of the children gasped. "Your over-grads against the under-grads in the fight of the week! You going to accept, or are you a WEENIE?"

"Ack!"

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	7. Part the Seventh

Koreki Birisu

2/9/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Seventh_

The children on both teams were shocked by Koreki's challenge against Santo. Santo looked mortified, but he slowly nodded. Koreki smirked, flipping back closer to her own students; Tap struggled to his feet, recovering from the Rainbow No Jutsu as everyone stood in nervous silence, staring at each other. The female sensei kept smiling her unnerving little smile, finally speaking, "Protect your sensei. Students, attack! Haku!"

Haku made a hand signal as the kids ran at the others, a wall of ice enclosing around Koreki. Maya, Seek, and Tama stayed close to their sensei, drawing out weapons. Weapons clashed violently as the two teams met!

"Seeeige!" Chiso randomly flailed around, facing the entirely wrong direction.

"Dammit, Chiso!" Sa'am swiped at Tama, who yelped and ducked into his brother's shoulder, narrowly avoiding the attack. Sa'am yelped as Tama's fist came out of Seek's stomach and nailed the fat ninja. "Gaah!"

"Go Tama!" Seek kicked Sa'am over.

Meanwhile, Tap came at Maya with his switchblade. Maya, not wanting to attack her dearest, tried feverishly to deflect the attacks and possibly wear him out. "Tap! Let's not fight like this! I love you!"

"Must… kill…" Perhaps, somewhere deep inside, he really meant to say 'Love you too'. But probably not.

"Stop trying to kill Maya-san!" Sa'am reached and grabbed Tap's ankle, knocking him to the ground. Tap sliced at Sa'am with the switchblade, nicking his cheek. Sa'am let out a cry as Team 2 stared in shock. "TAP! YOU CUT ME!"

"…don't get in the way of me and my prey!" Tap hissed, then leapt up and went straight for Maya who gasped. She was knocked out of the way by Seek and Tama; Tap's blade shot down, but the twins separated in the nick of time, rolling out of the way.

"Seek! Tama!" Maya yelled, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah!"

"Forget the kids!" Santo shouted, "We have to get Koreki!"

Tap and Sa'am were nearly knocked over as Team 2 shot past them for Haku and Koreki. Haku held a needle between his fingers, and then expertly threw it at Maya- it imbedded in her neck and she fell to the ground, limp.

"Maya-san! Haku, how could you?!?" Sa'am ran over to her, "Are you okay?"

"Get away from me!" She shouted, but could not move a muscle.

"Oh, my sweet Maya-san! Here, let me put your head in my lap, and-"

"You dumbass!" Koreki hissed from behind the ice wall, "Come and get these fools!"

"Flying Inferno!" Santo shouted, making a few hand symbols before smashing his fist into the glass-like ice with a burst of flame. The ice hissed as it melted rapidly, steam rising as Koreki watched Santo's hand slowly move closer and closer. Haku was about to replenish the ice when Seek and Tama swing knives at him. He flipped out of the way, and threw a needle at the two; Tama was hit and fell backwards, out of his brother. Seek let out a yell and suddenly leapt –into- Haku.

"Liver Snatcher technique!" Seek ripped back out of Haku's body, now with an extra organ.

"ACK!"

Santo had broken through the barrier, and started trying to attack Koreki. She deflected many attacks with her arms before flipping behind him and pulling out four paper strips. She slapped one on the ground, hopping to another point and slapping another. She continued this until they all four were in a square, and she stood up behind it. Santo laughed, "You think I'm going to fall for that?"

"Chiso ATTACK!" Chiso suddenly leapt at Santo from behind, knocking him forward as she glomped on, "Oh, I got one!"

"OH NO!" As soon as Santo's head fell within the barrier created by the paper slips, there was a massive explosion. The children gasped, watching the flaming mess. After the smoke rose, Santo lied there, twitching, all his hair burnt off. "D…damn!"

"Sensei!" Seek went to run to him but was stopped at knifepoint by Tap. "Urgh…"

"Gotcha, bitches. Undergrads win." Tap laughed darkly. "Can we kill them?"

"Well… let me think…" Koreki smirked.

"No… please… have mercy on the kids!" Santo sat up, coughing out ash, "If you must take someone, take me!"

"Well then… I think we can arrange –something-… heh heh heh."

"Hey, make them give my liver back!" Haku looked on the verge of being violently ill.

"Let's keep Maya-san hostage!" Sa'am cried with joy.

"Chiso wants a new pair of shoes!"

"…let's burn them alive…"

"I have an even better idea…!"

Ten minutes later….

"You can't do this to me!" Maya sobbed, "I feel so violated!"

"Seek, I can't move!"

Seek simply coughed out dirt.

"You sick FIENDS!" Santo yelled, "What kind of monsters are you?"

The three (er, four, sorry Tama) were embedded in the Earth, leaving only their heads exposed. Up above them, hanging from a tree were their clothes, blissfully waving in the wind. Team 1.86 was in stitches over Koreki's naughty little trick. "Well, well, maybe if we water them they'll sprout."

"We'll get you for this!" Maya screamed, "Sa'am, you'll DIE!"

"Oh Maya, I love you too."

"Rrr…"

"Well kids, let's go! Time is a-wastin'!"

"…farewell, losers." Tap spat at them and started off.

"Curse you!" Santo yelled as they ran off. "…oh well. Let's practice digging ourselves out of holes now, eh?"

"I think Seek is suffocating!" Tama cried.

"I see…" The Hokage thought deeply, facing the troubled-looking group. "So she's passing through the country…"

"Yes," Kakashi nodded, "And already she's caused tons of damage."

"MY EYEBROWS." Rock Lee cried, "The source of my power!"

"There there!" Maito Gai patted him on the back. "Those fiends took Tenten!"

"And they have cousin Chiso." Neji grumbled.

"LET'S AMBUSH THEM. BELIEVE IT!"

"No, no, that would cause more trouble…" Sarutobi used every ounce of his thoughts, concentrating on a solution. "Hmm, that's right, the exams are to be held soon. Why don't we start them early and lure them in…?"

"That's brilliant!" Kakashi smiled, "Then when in the heart of the village, they'll be completely outnumbered. I knew you would know what to do."

"WELL OF COURSE I DO." He shouted. "I'm the fucking Hokage, bitch!"

"DUDE. DUDE. WE'LL TOTALLY KILL THEM. BELIEVE IT!"

"Those jerks will pay!" Sakura whined, "They totally took advantage of my good nature!"

"What good nature?" Inner Sakura snickered, bandages around her neck.

"Shut up!"

"Alright then… we'll make some posters, send out a few people to post them up, and then…"

"What's this?" A day had passed since Team 1.86 humiliated Team 2 of Hidden Sound. Koreki was staring at the poster that had mysteriously appeared on Chiso in the middle of the night, which read 'Special Announcement! The Exams are coming early this year! Join in quick and become a full-fledged Chuunin. Great prizes and free cheesecake!' "CHEESECAKE."

"Chiso…cannot… breathe…"

"Wow!" Sa'am gasped, "We should try out!"

"…dude… we have, what… a week of training?" Tap grumbled.

"We'll just stick Haku in!"

"What?" Haku looked up from knitting a warm winter hat. "Hey, don't get me involved!"

"Oh please!" Sa'am cried.

"No!"

"Sensei, do something!!"

"Hm. I'll give you… a bunny if you pretend you're my student."

"Why sensei!" Haku gasped, "I am under your every command!"

Koreki pulled out a scroll from her pocket and made the hand symbol for the Hare. With a puff of smoke, a white bunny appeared in Haku's arms. He let out a happy squeal and cuddled it. "But you'll need an alias. They'll suspect something if you come in like that."

"Oh, easy." He spun around and was magically in a pink kimono, minus his mask, "Now I'm a girl."

"Oooh!" The kids applauded.

"Your name is now Samantha Huginkiss!"

"Okay!" Haku snuggled his fluffy friend, "Bunny."

"…what if it's a trap?" Tap was playing with his noose again. "…they could be trying to draw us into Konoha in order to have the entire town leap upon us in a frenzy of blood and pain."

"Oh pishposh! Nothing ever goes wrong when CHEESECAKE is involved!" Koreki was not going to admit that was one of her few weaknesses. "Plus, my good buddy lives there. He'll give us shelter and keep people from slaughtering us!"

"Please…" Chiso collapsed, gasping, "Chiso is… dying…"

"Dammit, Chiso!" Sa'am ripped off the poster, and Chiso started screaming. He kicked at her head, "Shut up!"

"Stop hurting Chiso!" She sobbed.

"…oh my god…" Sa'am stopped, "Are you okay? Let me help you up- AAAIGH! I've been had!"

The rest of the team flinched as Sa'am shot off and landed somewhere in the woods. Koreki shrugged and started walking, waving the others along behind her. "Might as well. Let's go find Sa'am's fat body and head into town!"

Eventually the team finally stood in the gates to Konoha. The children gasped in excitement at the size of the village, and the fact the people walking around didn't look like they would gang-rape you for merely looking at them. It was one of the best places they had ever been! Sa'am shouted, "Sensei! It's soooo huge!"

"Compensating." She smirked.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Hey!" A man watching the gate walked up to the travelers, "Where's your pass? I can't let you in without one."

"Koreki goes where Koreki wants, yes?" The sensei stared.

"Sorry, miss, we're really enforcing- AAAIGH!"

Everyone looked horrified as Koreki somehow stretched her mouth entirely around the guard's head. He slowly disappeared into her cavernous throat, Koreki gulping him down like a snake eating a mouse. After she swallowed, she returned completely to normal and burped. "Excuse me. Guess that took care of itself!"

"That… that was… scary…!" Sa'am was wide-eyed with terror.

"I learned it from Orochimaru himself! Too bad it makes me so full… urp… come on, I think it's this way." She held her stomach as she lead them into the town. The kids stuck close. However, little did they know someone was watching them from the bushes.

"THEY'RE PASSING IN THE GATES. BELIEVE IT!" Naruto shouted into his walkie-talkie.

"Ssh, you dumbass!" Sakura hissed over hers, "You'll give us away!"

"SHUT UP, PINKY. HAH! HAH! DUDE. BELIEVE IT."

"Hmm? Chiso hears an annoying noise."

"Shut up, Chiso." Koreki walked up to a house and rapped upon the door. She waited patiently until she heard someone coming, then shouted, "Hey, old bud-"

"GET OFF MAH PROPERTY!" Jiraiya pushed a shotgun against her head, and then froze. "Well paint me green and shoot the cat, if it isn't Miss Endovale!"

The children looked confused. Koreki laughed, "Been too long, my perverted friend, since you've tried to steal my bra. How you been, you old, stinky bastard?"

"Dang well good!" The man put his shotgun down and laughed, but then spotted her headband. He narrowed his eyes. "…Where did you get that thing there, eh? That sure doesn't look like the Leaf headband I gave you for Christmas."

"I got it off a dead body." Koreki laughed.

"Oh Yoko you crazy bitch! Haw haw! Now let's see, who are these runts shadowing you?"

"These… are my students." Koreki pointed at them, "The fat one is Sa'am, the one tying the noose is Tap Dontglass, the kimono there is Samantha Huginkiss and this here… is Chiso Hyuuga."

"Slap me silly and call me Todd- is that REALLY the missing Chiso Hyuuga?"

"Perhaps," Chiso admitted.

"Dang howdy!" Jiraiya was astonished. "Your mother's been hanging out in the alleyway near my favorite foxy boxing club! We all thought you were never gonna return from your trip upstream! Haw haw! So what do you miscreants need?"

"We're here for the Exams." Koreki smiled, "We need a place to stay."

"Oh hoh, then let ol' Jiraiya set you up, Miss Endovale. I still got yer room all set up! I knew you were gonna come back. Haw haw!" He walked in, "Don't mind the mess, I've been too busy outside of the house if you know what I mean!"

"Woah," Sa'am was astonished, "I've never seen so many blow-up dolls in one place, and I live between two brothels!"

"Haw haw! Good taste, kid!"

"So!" Koreki followed him up the stairs, "How goes the next book?!? I'm waiting for Volume Four!"

"What?" He looked confused, "I'm not even done with Volume Three!"

"YOU ARE NOW." She whipped out her copy.

"Sweet dang deal! Let me copy out of that there copy! I'm confused as to how you got it, but who gives a damn?!?" Jiraiya took it from her, then opened up a door, "Here you are, just as we left it!"

A girl looked up from sitting on the bed, shrieked, and jumped out the window. The kids (excluding Chiso) blinked but said nothing. Jiraiya laughed nervously, "Well, I've been lending it out now and then… don't worry! Your stuff is all here and clean. Haw haw!"

"Oh you crazy fool. Thank you!"

"Naw, I owe you one anyhow, Yoko! Haw! Let me go put on some tea! Green!" He left the room, "And don't you kids touch NOTHIN!"

"Yes sir!" Sa'am saluted until he left, then looked at Koreki. "Yoko Endovale?"

"Pen name. Ssh."

"Oh, I see."

"…this place smells… really… really bad."

"Shut up, Tap!" Koreki grumbled, "Just be glad we got a place to stay. Well, find yourselves some corners… Oh, Chiso, I have a special room just for you!"

"Oh boy!" Chiso let herself be lead, and heard a door close behind her. "This will be fun, I- … the… the walls… they're closing in on Chiso! Chiso is STUCK!"

The kids cackled, staring at the closet. "Oh Chiso, you blind idiot."

"Boohoo!"

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	8. Part the Phoure Times Tew

1Koreki Birisu

2/10/07

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Phoure Times Tew_

The children got cozy in Koreki's old room in Jiraiya's house, looking at all the knickknacks stacked on every available surface. Apparently Koreki still revered her town's cats, since there were several kitty-objects among the rest of the junk. The pictures on the walls were hand painted, signed by 'Y.E.' herself. The kids were impressed.

"Sensei!" Sa'am gasped, "I never knew you lived in Hidden Leaf."

"Oh, it was awhile ago... she was sitting on the bed, reading a book she had pulled off the floor near a bookcase entitled "Nurse! Oh Please", with a picture of a girl nearly falling out of her medical garb, "I managed to hide here when people were looking for me. As you know, if you hide among the enemy, they'll never find you!"

"...that's incredibly stupid." Tap had hung up his noose and was tugging on it to make sure it wouldn't snap under someone's body weight.

"SHUT UP, KID."

"So, sensei," Haku was brushing his white rabbit, still under the disguise of Samantha, "When are we to sign up for the exams?"

"Tomorrow, I'm too tired to head out this evening."

"But... but..." Sa'am whimpered, "What if the positions fill up and we can't try out?!?"

"Not like you're going to win anyway, fatass."

"Oh, let me go and sign up! Please?!?"

"Well... you bring emoboy and Chiso with you, and I'll let you do whatever the hell you please." Koreki lazily turned a page. "Just don't get caught because I won't come looking for you."

"Yay!" Sa'am pulled Tap away from the noose and opened up the closet door. "Chiso!"

"Hark, Chiso hears a voice... she is being toyed with! What has Chiso ever done to God to be punished like this?!? Why has she become trapped in this infuriatingly small space?!? It's so cold and dark..."

"How can you tell it's dark?!? You can't see!"

"Uh." Chiso tilted her head. "Chiso guessed so, for it is the cliche, yes?"

"...you're not suppose to be that smart."

"Apologies."

"Come on, already!" Sa'am roughly took her by the arm and ran out with her. They ran outside and followed the signs to the exam station, but suddenly stopped as a fanfare played. Sa'am looked up, "What is going on?"

A bunch of cheerleaders came from down the opposite street, the lead flipping out and exclaiming, "Watch out, here comes GAARA!"

"Wow, wow," the others cheered, dancing, "Gaara, he's coming! So bad ass! Better run away 'fore he getscha, fast fast fast!"

They cleared a pathway and shook their pompoms dramatically as the red-headed, pale young man slowly sauntered through, another boy and a girl to either side of him. His pale eyes were surrounded by thick black rings, possibly made of large amounts of mascara. Gaara's hair was red, and he had painted the kanji 'Love' on his forehead; his clothes were simple yet classy, and a big gourd hung off his back. The girl next to him carried a large fan across her back and had her blonde hair pulled into four ponytails, and the boy was completely covered in a plastic garbage bag with the face revealed. They all stopped in front of Team 1.86 as the cheerleaders shouted, "The Sand Siblings, watch out! They'll kill you all quick, blood running thick! Goooo Siblings!"

"Wow!" Sa'am was impressed. "These people must be super-important to have a whole cheerleading squad! Hey, hey, hello! You must be here for the exams, right? My name is Sa'am and-"

"Shove it," Gaara squeaked in a high-pitched voice.

"Er..."

"Yeah, so we're going to the exams! What's it to you, pipsqueaks?!?" Temari crossed her arms, her voice so grating it nearly made everyone's ears bleed, "What, you got a problem if we want to go to the next level?!? Huh? HUH?!?"

"Duh, losers." Kankurou pointed and laughed.

"...going... to... slaughter..."

"No, Tap!" Sa'am held him back, "Er, we are going to sign up too! I see you all have Hidden Sand logos on! You must have come a long way to sign up, just like us! We're from Hidden Sound-"

"We don't want to hear your stupid personal lives." Temari turned up her nose, "We have no time for losers!"

"Duh, yeah, yeah! We're gonna sign up right now!"

"Great!! Maybe we'll see each other in the exams!" Sa'am laughed nervously.

"...that one." Gaara pointed at Chiso.

"Huh?" Sa'am looked at her, "Oh, that's Chiso. She's worthless."

"Boohoo!" Chiso cried, "Chiso must have some purpose! Her organs could be harvested for the black market!"

"...pathetic." Gaara smirked darkly. "I will destroy all of you, but keep this amusing girl as a pet."

"What??" Tap and Sa'am looked surprised, "You're interested in Chiso?!?"

"She seems fun to abuse."

"You can't have our Chiso!" Sa'am yelled, shaking his fist, "Our victim!"

"Chiso feels she should be highly insulted."

"Shut up, you," Gaara crossed his arms, "When we win in the finals, we will take her!"

"Duh, why?"

"Because we can!" Temari shouted.

"Go ahead and try!"Sa'am taunted them, sticking his tongue out, "I bet you can't even hit a target standing sti- OH JESUS."

Five tons of sand rained down on the fat wannabe-ninja, as Gaara's siblings laughed. Tap blinked, then watched as they all left to sign up. He then started digging around in the sand until he uncovered Sa'am's head. "...dumbass, now they're going to double-kill us."

"Aw shit...!"

"Chiso is going to be a trophy!" She clamored, "I do not know if this is a good or bad thing."

"Shut up, Chiso! Grr... let's follow them and sign up!" Sa'am marched in. "Hello!"

"Welcome to the sign-up station! Please fill out these forms." The attendant smiled, "Your sensei will have to fill out this one before you hand them in. Any questions or comments?

"Chiso needs assistance with hers!"

"Shut up, Chiso," Sa'am grabbed a form, "We'll fake yours."

"Okay!"

"Hmm." Tap took one and sat down, pulling out a quill pen. He sliced open his wrist and used it as ink for his. "...damn personal questions... damn forms... damn everything..."

"Oh, Tap! There's no need to be so negative." Sa'am scribbled down his answers, "I suppose we'll have to fake one for Haku as well... oh, and do you think Sensei will want to fill out her own?"

"...only god knows."

"I suppose!" Sa'am continued until all of the parts were finished except for the 'Family Name' section, "There. They'll probably have to ask me how to read my answers, but that's okay! I won't let it get to me! Now time to fill out one for... Chiso Buttface!"

"Heh heh!" Tap snickered along with Sa'am.

"Oh, there is another Chiso?" Chiso smiled. "Hello, Miss Buttface, my name is Chiso as well!"

"Shut up, Chiso. Birthdate? 6/6/66. Age? 3 and a half. Sex? Yes please!" Sa'am wrote with an evil power possibly equivalent to Koreki-sensei's, "Bwahaha, Handicaps? Extreme stupidity and no boobs."

"Boohoo! Chiso's too young for boobs, how could you be so mean!"

"There we are." Sa'am put it together with his, then took Tap's when the emochild was finished, "Let's try bringing this form to Koreki-sensei and Haku see if they'll fill it out!"

"I'm not signing up for any magazines, dammit!"

"Sensei, it's not a magazine form! It's for the exams!!"

"Well if I get any junk mail afterwards, YOU THREE WILL PAY!" Flames roared behind Koreki as she pulled out her ink brush, "Time for a lie-fest! Go go Gadget Writing!"

"They sure do ask some odd questions." Haku was filling his out, also filled with blatant lies, "Why do they need my social security -and- credit card number?"

"Oh, please fill it out!" Sa'am begged him, "We have to join and beat up the kids we met on the way in because they humiliated me and must be crushed!"

"Who?"

"Uh, the Sand Siblings...? The entourage was saying, "It's GAARA" or something..." Sa'am mumbled.

"GASP." Haku recoiled dramatically, "Not... not Gaara of Hidden Sand! Anybody but GAARA!"

"...what? You know him?" Tap was busy sticking pins and needles into a voodoo doll labeled 'Maya-san's tender body'.

"His badassness is known across the world! I wouldn't want to tangle with... GAARA!"

"Oh snap," Sa'am held his head, "Why did I challenge him?!?"

"He wanted to take Chiso!" Chiso whimpered from the closet.

"WHAT!" Koreki stood up, posing dramatically, flames again roaring up behind her, "Nobody takes my students, nobody! Without them, I DON'T GET PAID! We'll slaughter him! Murder him! ...wait, did you say Gaara? Oh my god... HE'S SO AWESOME."

"Sensei??"

"Er... sorry. It's the fangirl fever I caught while traveling." She laughed nervously. "But anyhow... we'll crush him!"

"Yay!" Sa'am cheered, "Totally!"

"Well, here's the forms. Go bring them back, fool." Koreki threw hers at Sa'am and sat back on the bed, reading more h-manga, "And bring me back something loaded with sugar!"

"Haw haw," Jiraiya came in with a plate of donuts, "Did someone call for sugar-loaded? I got you all set up, don't you worry, Yoko!"

"Oh you lovable, fat pervert. I hate you." She cheerfully took three and snarfed them down. "I hope you burn in hell."

"May your intestines be eaten out of your living body by a pack of yellow-spotted weasels! Haw haw! C'mon kids, there's plenty to share!"

In the morning, Team 1.86 headed for the arena, standing at the admissions desk. The attendant was busy reading through the forms, checking things off and nodding, "So, miss Endovale, you are entering Sa'am Nobody, Tap Dontglass, Chiso Buttface and Samantha Huginkiss, correct?"

"That's about right."

"It says here you have a summon creature?"

"Yeah, but my students are too stupid to call it."

"Hey!" Sa'am whined, "I'm sure I could call Alberta!"

"Just make sure your summons only attack your opponent, and try to keep damage to the stadium and observers to a minimum. Okay, this all seems to check out! Go right in, miss Endovale. Good luck to you all!"

"Great!" Koreki lead the children in, "Now you better all win... I want my fucking cheesecake! CHEESECAKE... food of the Gods!"

"Chiso will try... but she feels as if she is walking into a level 80-zone when Chiso herself is only level 12 and a third."

"Well, here." Koreki pulled out some scrolls and handed one of each to her students, including Haku. "Summon scrolls. You know how it works... smear some blood on it and the deity will be called upon. Don't you dare tear them, however! These things take hours to write!"

"Wow, thank you, Sensei!" Sa'am hugged his close, "I can't wait to see what mine has!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's get our seats."

"Are you kids ready?" Kakashi and the others were hiding in one of the locker rooms behind the main stands. The other senseis were nearby, having gone over the plan with their students many times.

"Sure are!" Kiba's dog let out a bark as he spoke, "I'm going to get those bastards for killing Hinata!"

"Same here..." Neji grumbled, "And for taking Chiso."

"DUDE!!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs, "I'LL KILL THEM ALL WITH 'BELIEVE IT'! YEAH! KILL THEM!"

"I... I can't do anything!" Rock Lee wept, "I have no more power..."

"You can still do it, I know it deep in my heart!" Maito Gai patted his back, "Do not fret, my beautiful student!"

"Suspicious." Shino's bug friends were crawling out one of his ears and into the other.

"We'll get them good!" Sakura cheered, "Sasuke-kun could do it singlehandedly, I'm sure! Oh, Sasuke..."

"Grumble." He grumbled.

"Okay, let's get you out there. Remember... go right ahead and kill them!"

"Okay!" They all shouted and headed into the stands.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Students and Sensei, participators alike! Welcome to the annual, slightly early Chuunin exams!" The announcer called over the speakers. Cheers rolled across the stadium, the audience bursting with excitement. "Today, young genin will attempt to prove to us all their worth and graduate! This event is sponsored by the local It's A Wonderful Noodle restraunt!"

"Wait, what?" Koreki looked up from a book, "I never opened a branch here."

"Students, prepare yourself! We will now randomly choose the first opponents in stage one!" There was a dramatic drumroll, everyone excitedly looking at a screen that flashed through names on the arena wall. They slowly pinged to a halt, "The first challengers are... Kiba Inuzuka versus Chiso Buttface!"

"Oh yay!" Chiso clapped her hands, "Go other Chiso!"

"Dumbass, get down there!" Sa'am pushed her off the railing. Chiso fell on her face as Kiba and his faithful canine companion walked out into the ring. As Chiso pulled herself upright, the crowd cheered. His little dog, Akamaru, stood beside him and barked at Chiso.

"Oh, is that a puppy?"

"Yeah!" Kiba smiled, "He's the best!"

"Oh let me pet him!"

"Go on!"

Akamaru skipped over and let Chiso pet him, before running back beside Kiba.

The examiner shouted, "Begin the match!"

"Oh?" Chiso blindly stared forward as Kiba and Akamaru charged at her. Kiba shouted a command to his dog, who leapt forward, fangs open, latching onto Chiso's arm. Chiso let out a shriek and began flailing wildly as Kiba sliced at her with a kurenai. However, Chiso's sheer clumsiness made it possible for her to stumble out of the way in time. She grabbed Akamaru's tail and pulled on it. "Bad puppy! Bad puppy!!"

Akamaru yipped and let go, falling down and scampering away. Kiba growled, "How dare you pull Akamaru's tail! I'll kill you!"

"Oh dear!" Chiso suddenly threw her hands out rapidly, managing to catch Kiba at the end of her fingertips before he could hit her. She collapsed every single one of his chakra points at the front of his body, the boy gasping and falling back. "Chiso is under seige!"

"D...damn!"

"HEY!" Sa'am stared in amazement. "Chiso is winning!"

"Well you don't see THAT every day." Koreki lazily turned a page.

Akamaru, sensing his companion was unable to attack, let out a yip and used the Bakuretsu Koinu skill. A decoy puppy appeared at Chiso's feet, whimpering and quivering in pain. Chiso gasped. "I hear distress of puppyish-nature! Chiso must help the poor thing!"

Team 1.86 shouted for her to stop, and groaned as Chiso stepped on the decoy. A massive explosion ensued, and the crowd went wild. When the smoke cleared, Chiso was lying in a heap of ash. The examiner stepped forward, "The match has ended! The winner... Kiba Inuzuka and his dog Akamaru!"

"Yeah!" Kiba picked up Akamaru who licked his boy on the face. "Aww, stop that!"

"...you jinxed it." Tap smacked Sa'am over the head.

"Ow!"

"Shut up," Koreki watched as they dragged Chiso out of the arena to patch her up, "I'm trying to hear who the next match is between."

The crowd cheered as the screen flashed again, names changing rapidly. They finally came to a halt, flashing. The announcer shouted, "The next match is between... Seek and Tama Desirata and Sa'am Nobody!"

"WHAT!" Sa'am shouted, "Team 2 is here!??! Then that means... Maya-san!"

"...get down there, loser."

"Sigh... right."

Sa'am hopped down into the arena, and watched as Seek and Tama came out in their joined form, facing him. The brothers looked amazed, "We didn't think you'd be joining the exams!"

"Shut up, you freaks of nature!" Sa'am yelled. "I'm going to slaughter you two!"

"Oh great..." Tama sighed. "Let's end this quickly."

"Begin the match!!"

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	9. Part the 3x3

1Koreki Birisu

2/10/07

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the 3x3_

The match between Sa'am and Seek and Tama began with the three charging at their opponent(s). Metal clashed as kurenai met, Sa'am trying to hold the twins off. He had forgotten one little detail, however, until Tama threw a kick through his brother stomach, knocking over Sa'am.

"Ugh! My GUTS!" Sa'am stumbled back, "That's a cheap shot!"

"All's fair!" The twins ran forward, then leapt up before Sa'am could retaliate, the two coming down feet first. Sa'am yelled, then threw his hands together in several symbols as fast as he could. When the twins connected their kick, they slowly sank down into his rotundity. "...Uh oh."

SPROING! The audience shrieked and dodged out of the way as the twins were shot back at the stands, landing in the bleachers and pretty much creating a crater with their skulls. Sa'am's stomach wobbled back into place, as he smirked, "Nobody stands any chance against my Fat Trampoline no Jutsu!"

"The winner is... Sa'am Nobody!"

The crowd cheered for Sa'am! Never before had he felt so loved! He waved before crawling back up to the rest of his team. Chiso had been returned, covered in bandages and aloe vera gel to prevent her from screaming about her burns. Sa'am laughed, "They love me!"

"Shut up, kid." Koreki smacked the back of his head, "This is only the first round!"

"Ow!"

The events continued with other students for quite some time, everyone watching excitedly as people went up and down the ranks. But there wasn't as much fanfare until the screen randomized names, and came up with a new, promising battle... Gaara vs. Tap Dontglass. As the crowds screamed in joy, Gaara's cheerleaders came leaping out onto the field.

"Now it's time for best in show! Don't need fire, don't need snow! Just instead, watch the sand, for here comes Gaara, our favorite man!" They shook their pompoms in fine waves, "Heeeere's GAARA!"

He sauntered out in between them, the crowd going absolutely wild. Girls threw sand-colored roses into the field and collapsed in droves. Young boyfriend ninjas were overtaken by jealousy. Tap growled and leap down, not a soul in the group cheering for him. The cheerleaders artfully leap off behind Gaara, standing near the back wall and shouting, "Emoboy is going to die, Why fight Gaara? Don't even try!"

"Heh heh." Gaara squeaked.

"Grr... going... to... BURN..." Tap snarled.

"Ready...! Begin the match!" The examiner ducked behind a concrete wall, barely peeking around the side.

"Switchblade CRAZE!" Immediately Tap whipped out his switchblade, the knife locking into place. With a sweep, a razor-sharp blast of chakra shot through... but then hit a wave of sand. By the time it even got near Gaara it was so dull butter could have cut -it-. Tap gasped.

"Can't touch this." Gaara smirked evilly.

"Well, this is fine and dandy." Koreki watched boredly as Tap repeatedly tried to attack Gaara, being blocked by the sands, "We're going to lose."

"Why doesn't Tap use any other attacks?!?" Sa'am watched in terror.

"Because he doesn't -know- anything else that's useful."

"TAP!" Sa'am screamed, "Use your scroll!"

Tap leapt away from a wave of sand that threatened to bitchslap him. He pulled out the scroll Koreki-sensei had given him and snapped the string holding it. As the paper rolled out, he slit his wrist with his knife and then smeared his blood across it. "I summon the deity within the scroll!"

There was a puff of smoke as the crowd let out a gasp. Gaara sent a blast of sand at Tap and his summon... but then the sand fell to the ground quietly as the red-headed boy gasped. "M...MOMMY?!?"

"...what in the hell?" Tap blinked at the soft-featured woman.

"Oh... where... am I?" Karura looked around, "Why, I don't know why I'm alive again."

"MOMMY." Gaara latched on in a hug. The audience stared in awkward silence. Koreki was the only one in the audience saying anything, and she was screaming at the top of her lungs.

"YEAH! I knew that Mother scroll would come in handy! Bwahahaha! Take that, you sandy little packet of hawtsauce! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Er... The... winner is Tap Dontglass!" The examiner blinked. The audience lightly clapped, unsure of what to do. Gaara and his mother were dragged off the field as Tap leapt back up to his seat.

"I think folks," The announcer shouted, "That was one of the most bizarre matches Konoha has ever seen! Let us continue the matches! Next up is... Samantha Huginkiss versus Naruto Uzumaki!"

"WHAT!" Team 1.86 screamed.

"YEAH! BELIEVE IT!!" Naruto ran out onto the field, the audience shouting 'boo' and throwing things at him. "HEY YOU BASTARDS!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!?!? I'M THE HERO, BELIEVE IT!"

"Oh god..." Haku held his face.

"What is wrong, Haku?" Sa'am glanced at him.

"You'll see in a minute." Haku gracefully dropped down to the field, straightening out his pink kimono as he stood up. Naruto let out a sharp gasp.

"IT'S YOU! I -DON'T- BELIEVE IT!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD!"

"Er, I haven't a clue what your talking about," Haku tried to speak even more girly than usual, "I don't believe we have met. My name is Samantha Hugin-"

"SHUT UP, YOU LIAR! I'LL KILL YOU, HAKU! BELIEVE IT!"

"Begin the match!" The examiner cleared the field.

"HAH! TRY THIS!" Naruto threw his hands together in various symbols, and then used Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. Haku looked unimpressed as the hundreds of annoying clones appeared. But then they all screamed, "Oiroke no Jutsu!"

Every single one burst into the beautiful, female version of Naruto, winking and giggling seductively. Haku stared at them, completely unimpressed. Naruto gasped in shock, "HEY! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DIE OF A SUPER NOSEBLEED!"

"I think you forget I'm gay."

"WHAT!" Koreki and Naruto screamed.

"Hmph!" Haku pulled a handful of needles from his kimono top and suddenly threw them in a wide-spread wave at the clones, each disappearing as the needle passed through them. Naruto ducked just enough to have the needle thrown at him ping off his headband and land on the ground. Naruto yelled in anger and shot forward, knife at the ready as he smacked into a wall of ice. A well-placed needle ended Naruto's rampage.

"The winner is... Samantha Huginkiss!"

The audience cheered, Haku suddenly a crowd favorite. They all chanted 'Samantha!' as he headed back to his seat, smiling. Naruto, on the other hand, was screaming profanities as he was pulled out of the field.

"How could this be!" Koreki sobbed, "You can't be gay!"

"Sorry," Haku patted her back, pulling the hat he had made out of his pocket. He plopped it on her head, "But you may have this in consolation."

"...It's so fuzzy and pink!" She squealed.

"Damn, it's not working!" Maito Gai watched Naruto get dragged in, "They're moving up in ranks, the only one that's lost is the useless young maiden, Chiso!"

"It may be too late..." Kakashi thought hard, "They already might be infected with Sadie's influence from being too close to Koreki. I think we might have to take some more... drastic measures."

"I'll just send Rock Lee out!"

"No!" Rock Lee yelped, "I cannot! Not without my beautiful eyebrows...!"

"Here." Sakura pulled out a black sharpie and drew on some thick eyebrows, "There you go, just as obnoxious as your old ones."

"Oh, Sakura! Thank you! I am your eternal luuuurve slave!" A slap landed across Rock Lee's face. "Ow."

"Okay, we'll rig it up. Get ready."

"The next match... Sa'am Nobody vs. Rock Lee!"

"Not him again!" Sa'am groaned, then leapt down as his opponent came out. "Hey! You've got eyebrows again!!"

"THEY'RE FAKE." Koreki hissed.

"Shut up!" Rock Lee readied himself, "Get ready to face justice, evildoer! And be prepared to give back Tenten!"

"Oh, her?" Sa'am licked his lips, "She sure was tasty!"

"WHAT?!?" Rock Lee screamed.

"Let the match BEGIN!"

"You FIEND!" Rock Lee ran forward, throwing kicks at Sa'am. Sa'am moved as fast as he could to block the blows, being pushed back for every hit. However, Rock Lee started looking weaker and weaker as the attack continued, until he was unable to connect at all with his target. "It's as my feared... all my chakra cannot be focused without my eyebrows!"

"Hah!" Sa'am knocked Rock Lee away, then pulled out his scroll. "Let's see what sensei has in store for -you-, you green toothpick! Ow, I hate bleeding... I summon you, deity of the scroll!"

Sa'am smeared blood across the worn paper, calling forth the creature within. There was a loud hiss as a black shadow tore it's way through the paper's surface, black hair swinging out across the demon's face. Everyone gasped in terror as Orochimaru stood in front of Sa'am. Sa'am screamed, "YOUR GODLINESS."

"Hmm." Orochimaru looked around. "Lick my shoes clean."

"OF COURSE!" Sa'am ran around in front of him and cleaned the blood off Orochimaru's shoes with his tongue.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Rock Lee pointed, "THAT'S NOT COOL!"

"Mmm, dinner." Orochimaru knocked Sa'am out of the way and charged at Rock Lee, hands flying into various symbols. He let his jaw fly open as his tongue shot out, becoming a long, green snake. It wrapped around Rock Lee who screamed, and was subsequently swallowed whole.

"ROCK LEE!" Maito Gai screamed in horror from the sidelines.

"Not bad." Orochimaru licked his lips, "A little on the bony side, though..."

"The winner is Orochimaru!" The examiner cried and hid.

"THANK YOU, YOUR GODLINESS." Sa'am bowed to the pasty man.

"Yes, thank you!" The rest of Team 1.86 bowed as deep as they could at him, "May Orochimaru live and rule forever!"

"Heh heh. Back to... 'science.'" Orochimaru nodded his head and disappeared into smoke, the scroll containing his presence re-appearing on the ground. Sa'am grabbed it up, gave it a kiss, then crawled back up into the stands.

"MY BEAUTIFUL STUDENT!" Maito Gai sobbed.

"Give me five, bitch!" Koreki threw her hand up at Sa'am, who hit it back. "Yeah!"

"That was SWEET!" He laughed darkly.

"Chiso wish she knew where Orochimaru went! Chiso was going to ask if he'd try implanting Chiso with new eyes with batteries."

"Shut up, Chiso." The audience yelled.

"We need a new plan. This obviously isn't working, and we don't need those freaks graduating." Sasuke muttered, "Why don't we call a special round, challenging Koreki herself?"

"A last resort..." Kakashi rubbed his chin.

"It's only fair for what they did to Hinata!" Kiba yelled, Akamaru howling along with him.

"And Rock Lee!" Maito Gai's eyes were red from crying.

"There, there, mister Gai." Sakura patted his back and handed him more tissues.

"We should send Naruto out there." Neji crossed his arms, "And release... you know what."

"WHAT?" Naruto looked up, rubbing his neck after the needle had been plucked out. "ME? BELIEVE IT?"

"He would try to destroy the entire town again..." Sasuke frowned, "Are you sure that's a wise idea?"

"Well, think of it this way." Kakashi spoke in deep seriousness, "It's worth sacrificing a town to get rid of Koreki and her demon scroll, if it would save the world in the end, right?"

"BUT WHY ME?!?"

Everyone stared at Naruto. "Are you THAT clueless?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. BELIEVE IT!!"

"Dumbass!" Sakura smacked him over the head.

"Yeah!" Inner Sakura kicked him when he was down.

"OW!"

"Just get out there..."

"We have a special announcement!" The announcer cheered, "We are reaching the end of the exams, and it's clear what teams are going to graduate! However, we have gotten a SPECIAL CHALLENGE."

The audience oohed and ahhed.

"Naruto Uzumaki has formally challenged... Yoko Endovale of the Sound Village!"

"Sensei! That's you!"

"Well no shit, Sherlock." Koreki smirked, then leapt down gracefully into the field. "This will be too easy."

"YEAH, I'M BACK!" Naruto bounded out to the groans of the audience. "BELIEVE IT! I'M GONNA SLAUGHTER YOU! DUDE! DUDE!!"

"Do you EVER shut up?"

"BELIEVE IT! NO!"

"I thought so."

"It is asked the audience please try to find appropriate shelter during this fight. And with that... let the match begin!"

"YAY!" Team 1.86 cheered, "Go sensei!"

"Heh!" Koreki put her hand up, taking a defensive stance. "Come and get it, kid!"

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	10. Part the Tenten?

1Koreki Birisu

2/12/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Ten(ten?)_

The vicious battle had begun between Naruto and Koreki. The young, brightly-colored-clothes-wearing ninja instantly threw shuriken at the woman, who nimbly dodged. Attempting to use it as a distraction, Naruto shot forward and swiped at her with a knife. Unfortunately for him, Koreki always seemed to be one step ahead, winding up behind him and hitting him across the head.

"HEY!" Naruto growled, trying to swipe at her again. She moved so fast Naruto only saw blurs of color. Her hand shot out and hit him square in the forehead, palm open, and he tumbled away, dizzied. "UGH… SHE'S BAD SHIT. BELIEVE IT!"

"Aw, you should just be getting started!" Koreki smirked, "Come on, I'll give you some more practice swings."

"WHY YOU!" Naruto leapt to his feet and threw his hands together. He preformed Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, hundreds of clones appearing all around him. They all drew out weapons, facing Koreki. "TAKE THIS! BELIEVE IT!"

They all rushed at Koreki, the sensei holding still. As soon as they began to attack, her fists went flying, each fake copy disappearing into smoke. Eventually her fists connected with the real Naruto, who was sent flying back towards the wall. He gasped as he slid down into a heap, falling deathly still. The audience gasped as Koreki grew a dark grin. "Gotcha, bitch!"

Naruto twitched. Slowly, orange flames began to roll off his figure, as he clenched his hands. He lurched forward, on all fours, growling deeply as he slowly moved his face up to look at Koreki. Foam rolled between his teeth as his eyes glowed red, the whisker-like marks on his face twice as thick as normal as the power of Kyuubi leaked out. The audience yelled, half in fear and the other half in bloodlust. With a loud yell, Naruto shot like lighting at Koreki, swiping at her with his nails that now resembled claws. She fell back, her headband being knocked free and landing on the ground. The scar underneath was still blood-red, as if it were fresh. Naruto threw his fist forward and got her in the gut.

"Hurk!" Koreki flipped out of the way, holding her stomach as she landed. She grit her teeth and then reached into her pocket. "I get it… If you want a demon fight, let's get another demon!"

The audience gasped as Koreki leapt up, whipping out the Living Scroll. It swirled out like a ribbon around her, Koreki slapping her ink brush against its surface. Naruto charged, meaning to slash the paper to ribbons; the paper lurched out of the way, and Naruto found himself grappling Koreki. Her skin had become incredibly pale and patchy, but her face was dark, eyes glowing and fangs gleaming.

"\/\/HY H4L0 7H4R!!" She hissed.

"Oh no!!" Sa'am shouted from his seat, "She's called upon Sadie!"

"Oh great." Haku sighed, clicking his needles together as he busily sewed with pastel, rainbow yarn, "I'm going to die. Again."

"Chiso doesn't want to die!"

"SHUT UP CHISO! BELIEEEVE IIIIT!" Naruto roared with fury. The audience ducked for cover as a little war sparked down in the field. Blue and orange flames shot out all over the place as hits were exchanged. The Living Scroll, itself, was moving freely. It shot down and wrapped itself around Naruto. The boy gasped as Koreki, imbued with the power of Sadie, leapt forward, scribbling kanji down on the paper. There was a loud poof and the audience gasped…!

"WHAT THE HELL?" Naruto wriggled free of the paper, then growled. He tried to focus the chakra given off by Kyuubi, but then felt his head warm up. Naruto gasped, reaching around behind himself. He found a cord and pulled on it. "OW! HEY! WHAT IS THIS?!?"

"1 R3pl4c3d ur d3m0/\/ w/4 t04st3r, 8i7ch!"

"I HAVE A TOASTER IN MY ASS?!? I DON'T BELIEVE IT!"

"4ll uR 84$3 4r3 83l0/\/g 2 u$!!" Koreki grabbed him by the cord, and started dragging him right out of the arena. The Hidden Leaf ninjas in the locker room gasped as she came running in. Finding her target, she grew a demonic smile, jamming the cord into the wall. There was a loud 'ZAP', followed by the smell of burnt toast. "H4H4H4!"

"UGH." Naruto collapsed, burnt black. Two pieces of bread stuck out from his yellow hair.

"…and… the winner…" The announcer spoke as Koreki came calmly back into the arena, "…is Yoko Endovale of Hidden Sound!"

The crowd was deathly silent. Nobody knew whether to cheer or to boo and hiss.

"L0L." Koreki grabbed the Living Scroll as it shot towards her. It whipped around her, pulling out the blue flames from her body. As it snapped shut, she limply fell forward onto her face, blood spreading from her head.

"SENSEI!" Sa'am leapt down, grabbing up her headband as he ran over. Kneeling down beside her, he lifted her head, watching blood pour out. "Eeeew!"

"…dude… we… should get her to the hospital." Tap blinked.

"Goooo Sensei!" Chiso was still cheering, "Get the annoying boy!"

"SHUT UP, CHISO. Let's get her to the hospital!"

"Hmm!" The pink-haired nurse looked Koreki over, who was now white as a sheet with her eyes glazed over. "I see, I see… some bad fight, ne?"

"Will… will she be okay, doctor?!?" Sa'am twiddled his thumbs nervously.

"Well!" Rika smiled brightly, "I have done lots and lots of examining of her wounds, and I am happily able to state my sincere conclusion: I think she's completely and utterly DEAD."

"WHAT!" Team 1.86 shouted.

"At least her body is, ne?"

"What does THAT mean?!?"

"You see…" Rika poked a finger up, "While there's complete death, both the spirit and body dying… she seems to be in a state of body-deadness. Her soul is still quite alive, somewhere in that mass of rotting meat."

"…then there's a way to revive her?" Tap was not-so-secretly stealing needles from the cabinets.

"You can put her in surrogate body, ne?" Rika smiled.

"…But she'll be mad if she's not in her body…" Haku's knitting creation was growing ever longer. "Hm, wonder how many more rows should go on this…"

"She'll kill us! Please, Doctor, there must be some way to revive her body too!"

"Well… you'll want a surrogate anyhow." Rika cheerfully explained, "I have the power to heal broken and nearly dead bodies with my bare hands… but not ever a –completely- dead body. The amount of chakra I'd have to use would knock the soul out… and those things fly away faster than cheetahs chasing elderly people in electric wheelchairs. But if we could separate the body and soul, I could put the insides of her body back together!"

"THEN WE WILL DO IT!" Sa'am stood up in the chair, "Don't worry, Koreki-sensei! We'll find you a BEAUTIFUL body to use until yours is in better shape! C'mon, Tap, let's go out and find a donor!"

"…sure…" He got up and followed quietly.

"**DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT I THINK THEY'RE AFTER US.**" A dark-feathered bird grumbled, "**WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE ARE YOU GETTING US INTO NOW?**"

"You're such a worrywart," The young boy grinned, "Don't you ever think positive? It must be hard to lead such a pessimistic life."

"**HEY, YOU MAY WANT TO VISIT HEAVEN, BUT I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF DOING SO THIS EARLY!**"

"Kir," Jing, the infamous King of Bandits, smiled as he spoke, "You've just got to trust me sometimes. I'm sure you're wondering why we came all the way here… you see, I hear there's this amazing treasure kept in the basement of-"

"Excuse me!" Sa'am waved, walking over.

"**OH MAN, IT'S THE FUZZ." **Kir shouted, "**I CAN TELL BECAUSE OF ALL THE FAT!"**

"Wow, a parrot! A rude parrot!"

"**I'M NOT A PARROT, WHY I OUGHTTA-"**

**"**Er," Jing held his companion's beak shut, "Don't mind Kir. What can I do for you?"

"We need to ask a favor! As we can see you are a very kind, compassionate soul, we know you'll leap to assist us! Why, just a few minutes ago…" Sa'am sniffled, "The best, most powerful teacher in the world died from demon possession."

"…it was pretty lame." Tap crossed his arms.

"Oh, that's too bad… but what do you need me for?" Jing smirked a little, "Oh, need a grave digger? Sorry, I'm not into that line of work."

"No, we just need… to borrow your body for awhile!"

"What?" he blinked.

"…just hold still as we kill you…"

"Hey! Don't make me beat you up!"

"**YEAH, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?" **Kir pried his beak away from Jing, yelling, "**LET'S TEACH THESE PUNKS A LESSON!"**

Sa'am and Tap suddenly threw their hands together. Both cried, "Oiroke no Jutsu!"

"GAAAAAH! MY NOSE!"

"There we are!" Rika finished up transferring the soul energy from Koreki's old body, "With this, she should be good as new, ne? Oh, miss Koreki! Please wake up!"

"What…?" She fluttered the brown eyes open, slowly sitting up. "Ugh, I have such a headache…"

"SENSEI!" The team cheered.

"I remember a toaster and-" She paused, looking at her hands. With a blink, she shot up and ran to a mirror hanging on the wall. A scream escaped her lips as she felt her face, "HOLY SHIT! I'M A –BOY-!!!"

"We found it!" Sa'am puffed his chest out proudly, "See, your old body started leaking, so me and Tap went and-"

"Wait… I know this body." Koreki patted the tufty hair, "…oh my god… THE KING OF BANDITS! YOU KILLED JING! YOU BAAAAASTAAARDS! NOOOOOOO! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Tap and Sa'am screamed, putting Chiso in front of them, "It was her idea!"

"EEEE!" Chiso shrieked.

"No fighting in the office!" Rika swatted them all across the head. "Now I have a lot of work to do, so bring your sensei out to the park or something."

"Park?" Koreki's brown eyes lit up, a childish grin sliding over her stolen face.

"Er, this way, sensei!" Sa'am took her hand and marched out with her. "Come on, we'll make it all up to you, sensei! I think for a surrogate body we chose well."

"But I'm… short."

"You were short before." Haku muttered. "Hey, Tap, put out your arm."

"…?" He put his arm up. Haku then shoved the knitted arm warmer on him. Tap blinked, then started screaming at the pastel, fluffy object made with love. "IT'S HEALING MY SCARS!"

"Perfect! They fit just right!" Haku put the other on Tap as well. "How adorable!"

"AAAAIGH!"

"Oh no, don't die, Tap!" Chiso felt around and bumped into Koreki. Chiso reached down and felt all over the boy's face. "…Wow! You're new! What's your name?"

"You stupid idiot!" Koreki screamed. "…Want to play on the swings?"

"Oh, yes!"

"I can't believe it." Kakashi was looking Naruto over, slightly tugging on the cord.

"OW! CAREFUL!"

"How does one even get a toaster shoved up their ass?!?" Sakura yelled, stealing the toast from Naruto's hair, "That's the lamest thing I can think of! Mmm, so crispy and good…"

"But… I think she died! Justice prevails!" Maito Gai smiled, but then grew serious, "Tenten… Rock Lee… we may have lost you to this demon, but your efforts helped us destroy her! God bless your youthful souls… I'm going to cry!"

"…she's not dead." Kakashi shook his head. "This happened once before. Her body gave out, but some fool went over and tried to touch her. Her spirit jumped bodies, and she completely took over. Then, when she was able, she fixed her body and went back to it later. However, this means… she cannot use Authorizata."

"Then we must recover the body." Sasuke got up, "And destroy it!"

"Brilliant!" Kiba yelped, Akamaru barking with him. "Let me and Akamaru find her! We'll sniff her out- I've never met anyone else who smelt so strongly of Febreeze. She must bathe in it!"

"I wouldn't be surprised." Neji tried to hide a nervous quiver.

"Get on it, but be careful!"

"Right!" Kiba and Akamaru dropped to the floor, both sniffing. The two took off for the hospital, Sasuke following behind. They burst in on Rika who was busy stitching up Koreki's original body's insides. She yelped as they came up behind her. "Hey! I'm in the middle of surgery, you're not allowed in here!"

"We need that body."

"No way, this is a paying patient, ne?!?"

"I don't have time for this… Kiba! Go sniff out where the rest of them went. After we get rid of this body, we'll eliminate the one she's in so she can't hop barriers. But still be careful." Sasuke shoved Rika out of the way, picking up Koreki's body. "I'll bring this back to the others!"

"Okay! C'mon, Akamaru!" Kiba took off, sniffing, following the scent trail that lead out of the office and into the park. He snuck behind some bushes with his puppy, smirking. "There they are!"

"Ow!" Chiso got hit in the face as Koreki was swinging. As soon as Chiso got back up, she was hit again. "Ow!"

"Heehee! This is fun!"

"Oh, kids," Sa'am sighed, "They're such rascals! But then before you know it, they've grown and gone to college…"

"…dude…" Tap had lost use of his arms for the time being, "…what the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, just life!"

"…whatever."

"Hm." Kiba whispered to Akamaru, "We could do this ourselves, it's way too easy! We'll simply knock the kid off the swing, right? Then kidnap him back to base! Not like they'll be much of a threat."

Akamaru whined.

"It'll be okay, buddy!" Kiba carefully snuck around behind bushes, benches, and park equipment until he was directly behind the swings. Koreki laughed gleefully as she/he continued to smack around poor Chiso while swinging as high as the swing would allow. When the swing reached the peak closest to Kiba, he leapt out and grabbed it. Koreki was jilted and fell off with a yell, then found him/herself thrown over a shoulder.

"Ack! Save me!" She yelled as Kiba tore off.

"C'mon, Akamaru! Ruuuun, ruuuun!"

Akamaru yipped as Team 1.86 shouted and came chasing after. They came closer and closer, much to Kiba's shock. Haku reached inside his kimono and pulled out a needle, moving ahead of the other children. The silver instrument shot out and hit Kiba in the back of the neck, collapsing.

"Ugh! My body!"

Akamaru yipped and whined, then ran in front of his boy and barked at the oncoming team. Sa'am frowned, shaking his finger, "Bad puppy. Bad puppy-boy. How dare you kidnap sensei! We're going to make sure you learn a lesson…"

"NO! Have mercy!"

Akamaru howled in fear as Sa'am reached forward…

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	11. Part the Eleventy

1Koreki Birisu

2/13/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Eleventy_

In the public restroom in the park, the toilet was backing up since it was plugged. It wasn't plugged with paper, however, but a body in a gray coat. Kiba's eyes stared blankly as his head remained completely submerged, the toilet seat clamped around his neck. Akamaru whined and whimpered as Sa'am held him up by the back of the neck.

"Too bad for that kid! But what a cuuuute doggy!"

"Whine!"

"…it's disgustingly cute."

"I think we should keep it." Koreki looked Akamaru over, "It's a CANINJA after all."

"Caninja?" Chiso tilted her head.

"No longer an ordinary dog, those with jutsu skills are known as… CANINE NINJAS! Thus, Caninjas." Koreki smirked her stolen lips, "See? But… something bothers me…"

"What do you think, sensei?" Sa'am knelt down.

"…We need to go check back at the hospital. I have a bad feeling…"

"Yes," Haku was busily knitting again, "They might have…!"

Team 1.86 ran back to the hospital, gasping at the trail of destruction that lead in and out of the office. Running in, they found Rika lying on the floor with a nasty bump on her forehead, and Koreki's body gone. Koreki threw her hands to her head, "Damn it all! They took my beautiful body!"

"…dude." Tap picked up Rika. "…who did this?"

"Martha Stewart!"

Tap slapped her across the face.

"Eeek! …oh… oh, sorry. A boy! Black hair… Uchiha clan!"

"That guy on Naruto's team!" Sa'am gasped, "Whats-his-face! The emoboy! Like Tap!"

"…going to burn…"

"Damn!" Koreki stomped her foot, "Those meanies are going to try and take my body apart! Oh, and my poor scrolls…"

"What if they take Authorizata?" Haku paused from his knitting.

"Well SNAP! We gotta get that body back!" Koreki shouted, "Pick me up and let's go!"

Sa'am set down Akamaru, picking the small Koreki up. But Akamaru started barking at the group. They all paused and stared as he sniffed around, then nervously ran in circles by the door. Haku gasped, "Ah, he wants us to follow."

"Yeah! Sniff it out, boy!" Sa'am followed behind the tiny puppy. "Make sure Chiso follows!"

"Where is Chiso being dashed off to?"

"Shut up, Chiso!"

"Now," Sasuke grumbled, "To get this body back to Kakashi before.."

"Excuse me."

Sasuke grounded to a halt, gasping at the figure in front of him. The young man wore a black coat with distinct red clouds printed on its surface. A Hidden Leaf headband with a slash was worn over his light brown hair. Obviously, this was a member of the Akatsuki organization, a missing-nin. Sasuke looked a little shaken, "Get out of my way!"

"How rude. What do you have here?" The man was suddenly behind Sasuke, holding up Koreki's real body. "Why, if it isn't my old rival!"

"Give that back!"

"Shove off, kid…"

"I said, give it BACK!" Sasuke whipped a knife at the figure. The man simply stared at him, and Sasuke yelped as his arm started turning around by itself. Within seconds, the blade was almost sunk into Sasuke's stomach, who was sweating. "Ugh…"

"You kids don't give up, do you?" Z.W. grinned. "Ambitious."

"You can't leave with her! That body is dangerous!"

"Yes, I know." Z.W. turned and started walking away. Sasuke yelled as he cut himself, without control, with the knife. The boy collapsed as Z.W. walked into a building, curtain swinging behind him.

Sniff sniff! Akamaru's nose bounced as it followed the ground. He turned down a street, passing by a small puddle of blood and to a door of a store. Akamaru barked at the curtain as Team 1.86 walked up behind him.

"Should we be worried about the blood?" Sa'am blinked.

"No!" Koreki then jabbed her finger out, "BUT WHAT IS THIS!"

"Why," Haku looked up, "It's a 'It's A Wonderful Noodle' restraunt!"

"I didn't know you had branched out, sensei?!?"

"YOU IDIOT!" Koreki yelled as loud as her little lungs allowed, "I only have one restraunt! Why in the hell is this here?!? Who agreed to build this?!? Does anyone care about anything I have to say?!?"

"Hmm, maybe it is a clone?" Chiso tilted her head, staring completely the wrong way.

Bark bark! Akamaru yipped at everyone. They shrugged and followed the puppy in. The sweet smell of chicken, beef, and vegetable stock floated thick in the air. The room was covered in Asian kitsch. Several maneki neko statues greeted the children into the eatery. They watched in awe as a man skillfully prepared a bowl of the golden meal for a customer.

"It's… it's like heaven!" Sa'am cried freely.

"…dude… so… warm…" Tap almost smiled. But not.

"Chiso loves that smell!"

"DUDE, WHAT IN THE HELL?!?" Koreki shouted, "They totally ripped me off!"

"Hrm?" The man looked over his shoulder. The kids all gasped, staring at him. The man's black hair framed his face, his eyes bloody red. His coat was akin to that of the Atasuki's organization, but his headband was obscured by a tall, white chef's hat. "Customers."

"EEE! ARE YOU A-"

"I'm a chef. See the hat?"

"Oh!" Sa'am laughed, "We were worried you might have been someone from the Atasuki clan, like that crazy Itachi guy! Sorry about that, sir! Er, what is your name?"

"It's Ita… er… Ita…chu."

"Hello, Itachu!" Chiso waved at a cat statue, "I'm Chiso!"

"Right…" Itachi- er, Itachu raised an eyebrow. "I don't think pets are allowed."

Akamaru whined. Sa'am picked him up and plopped him on his head. "Er, actually… this isn't a pet! It's a hairpiece! New style, see?"

"Ah. Sit down already."

They all did. There was a moment of tense silence as Team 1.86 shifted nervously. It was as if this Itachu fellow was staring into their souls, but worse than Tap usually did. It was the emoboy himself who finally broke the silence. "…do you know if a body came through here?"

"What, like a dead body?"

"…something like that."

"What do you think we are? A morgue?" Itachu squinted.

"…well… not really… but we were following this body, see… and our hairpiece lead us this way, so we were just wondering if…"

"Damn!" A voice came from the back, "There's a corpse on my good table!"

"No." Itachu went back to cooking, "I've seen no bodies."

"Grr…" Koreki frowned, suspicious.

"Well… er… then we'll stay for lunch!" Sa'am grinned, "Food's on Chiso!"

"There's food on me?!? Where?!?"

"Great!" Haku smiled, "Okay, I want me some DUCK!"

"Sa'am wants chicken! No, curry! No, wait… How about some of everything?!?! Do you have desserts?!! How about beverages? Just give me one of each and… oh man, two of the… no, wait…!"

Koreki rolled her eyes, then hopped down off the stool. After dusting her trenchcoat off, she snuck around behind the counter as Itachu was distracted by Sa'am's order. She slipped behind a cabinet full of handmade dolls, staring back at a bunch of people in black coats.

"…so… is this really –it-?"

"Yes." Z.W. nodded. "I'd recognize her anywhere."

"Then the power of Authorizata… and the demon Sadie…"

"Vulnerable. But still sealed." Z.W. shrugged a little, "No matter if you take the scroll, it's a fact that Sadie has bonded with Koreki's body. But if we could take it over and control it…"

"Brilliant!" The man standing in the dark grinned.

"…What!" Koreki mumbled to herself, "They're going to make me into a puppet! No way! I must take action! Super Koreki POWER!"

The men gasped as Koreki leapt out and shouted, "BEWARE, ATASUKI MEMBERS! FOR IT IS I, KOREKI BIRISU, THE BECOMING DEATH! Prepare yourselves for death!"

"…What the?" The members looked around at each other and then burst out laughing. They pointed at the boy and continued to laugh loudly, slapping each other across the back. Koreki frowned.

"What's so funny?!?"

"Cute, kid, now go back to the front. This is employees only!" A blonde man pointed, "Back out that way, find your mommy!"

"You're not taking me seriously! I'm going to show you!" Koreki felt around on her borrowed body's arm and released a blade that snapped into place. "Oh yeah, gonna slice and dice you up, bitches!"

The group laughed harder.

"STOP IT!" Koreki shrieked, "I'M BEING SERIOUS!"

"This is great!" Kisame shook with laughter, his grayish skin pink from the joy, "Little pipsqueak thinks he can take over!"

"Isn't that the sweetest?" Another one patted Koreki's head.

"GRR! HACK'N'SLASH NO JUTSU!" Koreki's weapon shout out with a 'snickt', the coffee table in the middle of the room holding her body collapsing as the legs were sheared off. "Whoops, gotta fix my aim."

"Hey." Z.W. grabbed her by the back of the collar, "You're getting annoying."

"LET ME GO, Z.W.! Curse this tiny body!"

"Hey wait," A man with a skull mask hesitated, "What if he's telling the truth here?"

"That's right! I'm Koreki Birisu and I want my body back, damn it all!"

"So...!" The man in the dark smirked, "You finally make an appearance. After all these years, too! We said you could join as soon as we found your country entirely gone, you know…"

"Hah! I don't like your dress codes, so count me out!" Koreki crossed her arms while dangling, "But I'm warning you… if you don't give me back that body soon, I'm going to get reeeeaaaaalllly angry. And you don't want to see what happens!"

"Hah." Deidara laughed, "You can't do anything without your scrolls, can you?"

"Er…"

The group howled with laughter again. Koreki growled, then reached back and began tickling Z.W. When she was dropped, she ran to her body and pulled a scroll out from the pocket. She leapt away from the members who tried to get her, and bit her thumb. With a smear of blood, there was a great poof of smoke.

"Mew!" Alberta viciously roared.

"IT'S ALBERTA OF THE BLACK POISON!" Everyone screamed.

"ATTACK!" Koreki pointed.

"Mmm, this is the best!" Haku was busily slurping up the last of the noodles in his bowl. "I've never had better ramen!"

"Same here." Sa'am paused, "But what is all the noise coming from the back?"

"Uh…" Itachu blinked. "Rice cooker on the fritz?"

"Aw man, they ALWAYS break on me!"

"…I don't think…" Tap narrowed his eyes, "…that's a rice cooker. That sounds more like… a… a…"

"A SEIGE?!?" Chiso shot her fingers out. Haku yelled as he fell onto the floor. "Oh no, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"My BODY! Arrrgh!"

"HEY CHISO! What's the big idea, hurting Haku- oh?" Sa'am watched as the soup in his ramen bowl began to ripple. He shouted as the wall suddenly came bursting down, Koreki with her real body over her shoulder, leaping around like a flea. Sa'am wrenched himself out from under a wall, "Hey!"

"At least this body is fast!" Koreki snickered, dodging an attack, "Hey! Easy!"

"Mew!" Alberta leapt forward, sinking her fangs into one of the attackers. They screamed and collapsed, rapidly turning purple before dying flat-out of the deadly poison. Alberta leapt through the mess like black lightning.

"It IS a siege!" Chiso cried from under the lucky cat statues, "But Chiso can't move!"

"Chiso!" Tap snarled, "…you still have the scroll from sensei!"

"That's right!" Chiso felt around in her coat until she pulled out the scroll. She waved it around as best as she could, "I summon Godzilla!"

There was a puff of smoke as a loud snarl filled the destroyed room. The earth shook as the creature broke free of the paper. Then, with an amazing yell, the summoned deity stepped forward- A black squirrel covered in scars swung out a sword fifteen times the size of it's body.

"A SQUIRREL?!?" Sa'am gasped.

"The Dark Squirrel of Mitasuba!" Haku gasped. "Duck and cover!"

The squirrel swung the sword, one single cleave ripping apart what was left of the restraunt chain and much of the surrounding area. The passerby gasped as dust rolled up in large clouds. When the dust finally thinned, Koreki was running with the rest of her team as fast as she could, body thrown over a shoulder.

"Let's get out of this crazy place!"

"Chiso's head is bleeding!"

"Bark bark!" Akamaru was hitching a ride in Sa'am's pocket.

"…dammit, this story gets worse and worse by the minute!"

"No kidding!" Haku kept knitting as he dashed with them out the gates. Everyone watched the team leave, then looked back at the pile of rubble. Slowly, the Atasuki organization dug themselves out, coughing and spitting out rocks.

"…We're going to… KILL them." Itachi narrowed his eyes.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	12. Part the Noon

1Koreki Birisu

2/15/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Noon_

Team 1.86 ran as fast as they could away from Konoha, having realized they incurred the wrath of the Atasuki organization, plus probably the rest of the town. Sa'am could feel his legs slowly disintergrating underneath him. Finally his foot gave out and he collapsed, Chiso tripping over him.

"Argh! Sensei, wait!"

"Hey!" Koreki ground to a halt, panting, "Damn these small lungs… alright, I think we can rest… phew! What a mess!"

"Never in my life…" Haku let out a sigh, catching his breath, "Have I seen a restraunt leveled by a squirrel and a woman in a little boy's body. Oh well, you see something new every day!"

"Damn…" Tap panted, slowly sitting. "…now what?"

The weary team looked up as sweet music from a flute came rolling between the trees. The soft notes seemed to wrap around the listener's ears, soothing and calming the soul. The natives of Hidden Sound gasped- that particular tone, those notes… someone was playing a flute handcrafted in the village. Koreki pulled along the group, heading for the sound, where they found a beautiful woman sitting on a massive, jade-colored turtle. She wore a paisley frock over her fighting suit, a yellow color, with her headband worn like a necklace around her neck. The turtle's shell was painted with sound notes and sleepily listened to the music.

"It's… Amerlin!" Sa'am gasped, "Of the Four-or-so Sounds!"

"Hm?" She finished her tune and gasped happily, "Why, if it isn't Sa'am! I haven't seen you since that flute workshop! Did they ever reattach the finger you cut off the teacher?"

"Er…"

"You're a far way from home." Amerlin put the flute in her lap, "I never expected to see you out this far."

"Listen," Koreki mumbled, "We're being chased by the worst criminal organization AND by people on the side of 'justice' and have no time for flute playing or lovely memories from the past, nor comments on how far away we are, because you yourself are far away, and shouldn't be talking."

"I know that nasty attitude… could it be?" Amerlin gasped, "Why Peridot, I think that's Koreki!"

"Wow." The turtle gurgled.

"Yes!" Koreki posed, holding up her real body, "You guessed right! I kind of sort of died, you see…"

"What did you do NOW?!?" Amerlin shook her finger.

"Nothing, but hey!" Koreki laughed nervously, "Do you have a place we can hide for awhile?"

"I don't know…."

"Oh please!" Sa'am threw his hands together, begging, "We're tired and hungry and being chased! You gotta help hide us, or I'll have to do something violent and hateful to Chiso for absolutely no reason!"

"Chiso does not want to die!!"

"Plus, my puppy needs kibble!" Sa'am held Akamaru out at Amerlin. Akamaru let out a pathetic, long whine. Amerlin sighed, thinking hard as her turtle looked up at her. She slowly nodded.

"How can you say no to a puppy? Alright… everyone follow me and Peridot. You can stay at my hideout."

"Oh, great!" Haku smiled, "We are forever in your debt!"

"I'll remember that. This way!"

It took about three hours thanks to Peridot's slow crawl (but it was still pretty quick for a turtle, for a normal one would have probably taken fifteen more hours, even without a load on its shell, don't you think?) The children gasped as they came into a large, colorful town, walking past women that were barely clothed, and shops of a questionable nature. Sa'am was amazed, "This looks like my neighborhood!"

"Yes, this is Otafuku Gai," Amerlin explained, "Home of the Fun Fun Street and the largest concentration of strippers in the Fire Country. Since I was sent to investigate going-ons in Hidden Leaf, it was natural I moved into this town. It's close, without a local law enforcement team."

"How brilliant!" Haku was finishing up his latest project, a little sweater. He put it on Akamaru who let out a happy yip. "Aw, isn't that the cutest?"

"Here we are!" Amerlin hopped off Peridot, who crawled into an elevator shaft. The team piled in after the turtle, and they wound up in a room filled with expensive furniture and several instruments. Framed photographs lined the walls, all of different people and events from Hidden Sound and Hidden Leaf. "Touch my things and die."

"HEY!" Sa'am gasped at a large picture, "It's his Godliness! Framed! Signed!"

"Well of course." Amerlin smiled, "I took that picture on the annual Bloodbath festival. It was right before he decapitated the Bloodbath Prom Queen, remember?"

"…I got her finger that day." Tap almost smiled. Almost. But not.

"Wow!" Chiso felt around, her hands coming in contact with a couch, "You've got a pet tiger!"

"…uh…huh…"

"Hm." Koreki put her body on the couch. "This doesn't look like a bad place to hide, eh? I bet you have food!"

"You still owe me those poptarts." Amerlin glared with a deadly stare. Koreki gulped. "But let me feed your doggy!"

Yip! Akamaru hopped off Sa'am's head and followed Amerlin into the kitchen. The others shrugged and found seats in the fancy apartment, looking at all the photographs. All of them had this odd feeling when looking at the pictures, however, like there was something seriously wrong…

"Uh… so…" Sa'am laughed nervously, "What are we going to do with your body, sensei?"

"Transfer me back!"

"…how?" Tap was looking for a place to hang his noose.

"Oh boy, we can do surgery!" Chiso gasped.

"NO!" Everyone screamed.

"Boohoo!"

"Hm," Koreki thought hard, "I suppose we should try Fushi Tensei."

"One of His Godliness, Orochimaru's five hundred cheating death techniques?!?" Sa'am gasped, "Why, I have that memorized! If you let me, sensei, I can-"

"You bastard," Koreki screamed, "First off, you suck at Forbidden Techniques. Secondly… You transfer your OWN life in Fushi Tensei! If you have it memorized, why'd you forget that detail?!?! HAH! I got you there!"

"Argh!"

"…then why don't you use it?" Tap raised an eyebrow. "Do you not know it?"

"Of... of course I know it!" Koreki hesitated, then slowly made some symbols with her hands. She then shouted, "Fushi Tensei!"

There was a loud explosion, and Koreki reappeared in Jing's body, coughing out ash. The kids blinked, staring at her. She frowned, "Oh, dammit! Maybe it's this way…"

"Er…" Sa'am watched Koreki repeatedly blow herself up. "Sensei…?"

"Hey!" Amerlin came out with Akamaru, who looked full and happy, "Stop blowing up in my living room! What are you trying to do, celebrate Fireworks Day five months early??"

"I'm… trying… to… use… FUSHI TENSEI! ACK!" Koreki blew up again. "DAMMIT! I give up!"

"You shouldn't be trying to use a technique you never learned." Haku knitted busily with the last of his yarn, "You've never even seen it be used, have you?"

"Oh, Haku!" Koreki wept, "How could you be so blunt!"

"Meh." He shrugged.

"Sensei!" Sa'am chimed in, "What if we kill you and then use Edo Tensei?!?"

"WHAT!"

"Well we can try it. We do have your body here to use, right?"

"I don't know…" Koreki grumbled.

"Hum," Chiso mumbled, "That reminds me of unfortunate cousin Hinata. I do wonder where she went!"

"Shut up, Chiso. Sensei! Let me try to revive you!"

"Grr.. fine! But if you screw up, I'll kill you!"

"Don't worry, sensei!" Sa'am stood up and focused on Koreki's original body. He made the appropriate symbols and called out the spell. There was a massive burst of chakra as the technique began, Koreki letting out a yelp. A loud ripping sound filled the room as Koreki's original body was enclosed in dark light and Jing's body fell down lifelessly. The team shrieked as the room shook, hanging onto the furniture to try and keep steady.

"What have you done?!?" Tap screamed at Sa'am, "Now we're ALL going to die!"

"No! No way! Never! I never fail at Edo Tensei!"

There was a burst of light, the room suddenly falling still. There was an awkward silence for a long time. Both Koreki and Jing's body remained perfectly still as everyone sweated nervously. Sa'am gulped. "Se….sensei?"

"Oh no!" Chiso cried, "You killed the sensei! Waaa!"

"Dumbass!" Tap threw a knife at Sa'am.

"MY HEAD!" Sa'am uncontrollably screamed, though in a much different voice than normal. "…What the?"

"…That voice! It's… KOREKI." Amerlin gasped.

"Sensei??" Sa'am blinked. Suddenly he began shouting, "YOU FATASS! Look what you DID! Now I'm frickin' lost in your FATROLLS! What are you going to do about this?!? Why I should STRANGLE you from the inside!"

"Wow," Chiso looked around, "Is the sensei sitting on Sa'am?"

"HELP!" Sa'am cried, "What am I going to do? YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS, THAT'S WHAT! But how, sensei?!? How?!? By practicing Fushi Tensei! If you learn that, you can transfer me back into my body. BUT YOU BETTER MASTER IT! Why, good idea, sensei! Of COURSE it's a good idea!!"

"…that hurts my BRAIN…" Tap groaned.

"But we know what to do…" Haku muttered, holding a scared Akamaru. "We'll have to teach Sa'am the technique and pound it into his fat head until he has it mastered. But… the only person who knows it is Orochimaru, right?"

"…and he's super far-away…"

"Don't worry." Amerlin smiled softly, "Me and Peridot know someone who has practiced many of the forbidden arts. We can find them pretty soon in town. Let's go ask their council!"

"Okay!" Sa'am threw his arm up in joy, "HEY! Stop that, it's making me dizzy! So sorry, sensei!!"

"Here we are!" Amerlin walked into a building with a sign reading 'Beautiful Bosoms Inn', leading Team 1.86 behind her. She walked up to the desk and asked the woman behind it, "Excuse me. Do you know where Cheeky is?"

"Upstairs, ma'am. Do you have an appointment?"

"Nah, but he won't mind." They walked upstairs and knocked on the door. The door swung open as a busty woman stood in the doorway, wearing a fine, thick fur coat. The children were amazed by the beauty! Amerlin smiled, "Cheeky! My old friend!"

"Why, if it ain't Ammmmerlin, how ya been, dahlin?" Cheeky grinned.

"WAIT!" Sa'am screamed in Koreki's voice, "THAT'S CHEEKY?!? Didn't you use the identifier 'he' downstairs?!?"

"Why, yes," Cheeky spoke with a long drawl, "Very pleased ta meetcha, daaahlin."

"ARGH." Everyone groaned, minus Amerlin.

"We need your help, Cheeky." Amerlin bowed politely, "We need to transfer an extra soul out of this fat child. However, he sucks at everything… so we need your talent and dedication to help."

"I don't know…" Cheeky blew out cigarette smoke. "It's gonna cost ya, luv."

"Anything!" Sa'am shouted, "Sensei is very annoying in my body! WHAT'D YOU SAY?!? Oh, stop sensei!! Waaah!"

"Well, since ya seem desperate… lets get ta training! Come in, children!" Cheeky let them in, "Ignore the stuff, just move it around."

"…panties." Tap shuddered.

"Yipe!" Chiso tripped over a whip and landed on her face. "Oh no, Chiso has died! Boohoo!"

Akamaru whined, trying to put his paws over his nose, attempting to block out the terrible smokey odor that was soaked into the walls and furniture in the room. The poor puppy started turning blue as Haku sat down with him.

"Let's see what ya got first, kid."

"OK!" Sa'am threw his hands together, "Oiroke no Jutsu!"

Everyone gasped as he turned into a completely naked Koreki.

"Ack, I'm naked!" She shrieked. Sa'am poofed back to normal. "Well THAT was new."

"At least it proves she's still ahlive, luv. Okay, let's start practicing… Put ya hands together like this and focus as hard as you can. Ready? Repeat after me… Fushi Tensei!"

"Fushi Tensei!" Sa'am and Koreki yelled, their voices overlapping, as there was an explosion.

"Ugh… this is going ta be harder than I thought." Cheeky sighed.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	13. Part the Unluckiest

1Koreki Birisu

2/23/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Unluckiest_

"Hmm… she must be in here somewhere…" Itachi stood at the gates to Otafuku Gai, squinting at the dirty women and crappy buildings filled with questionable businesses. "There's only so far a dead person can go."

"But this town is –full- of skanks! How are we going to single one out?!?"

"Easy, that's why we hired him. Z.W.!"

Z.W. walked out in front of Itachi and Kisame. His black coat matched the others with the bright cloud pattern, but was more ragged at the edges and had deep pockets sewn onto the outside. His Hidden Leaf headband had a thick gash through it, gleaming in the sunlight. A smile played on his face, his brown hair gently moving in the breeze. "So… if I just sniff her out for you…?"

"That's all we need. We'll take care of her then…"

"Alright! But then you'll help me with my request, right?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay then!" Z.W. started into Otafuku Gai, a tall shadow following behind him. The other Atasuki members looked bewildered as the figure sauntered past on impossibly high shoes. The person laughed while following.

"It's just like hooooome."

"The HELL. Who is that?!?"

"My shadow… Robin, the Demonator."

It had been three days since Team 1.86 arrived in the town, the majority of the group sitting and watching (excluding Chiso) as Sa'am practiced and practiced Fushi Tenshi with Cheeky the talented transvestite, as Koreki screamed constantly deep within Sa'am's fatrolls. It was late in the afternoon when Cheeky finally stopped, nodding.

"Well dahlin, I think yer ready to try it for real."

"Oh, really!??" Sa'am gasped, "YEAH, FIALLY. I want out of here! I'm trying, sensei! Really I am!"

"Let me get Koreki's body from the freezer and we'll give it a try, luv." Cheeky walked into the kitchen, then pulled the stiff body out back into the living room of his apartment. "Okay, here we are. Give it a go!"

"Helmets and armor on!" Haku took out a shield as Tap put on a helmet, and Chiso simply ducked, hands over her head.

"Hah hah, very funny. Ready?!?" Sa'am threw his hands into the appropriate symbols, feeling the chakra flow through his body. "FUSHI TENSEI!"

With a yell, an orange wisp shot from Sa'am and into the cold body of Koreki, Sa'am being knocked back onto his ass. Mist rolled from the impact site on Koreki, woho slowly began moving her fingers. She sat up and gasped, "It worked!"

"You… you FATASS!" Sa'am sat up and shook his fist, "YOU transferred yourself! You dumbass!"

"Sensei! Get out of my beautiful body!"

"Fine, I will! FUSHI TENSEI!"

Everyone watched as Sa'am's body fell limp. Then Koreki screamed, in both voices, "FUSHI TENSEI!" once more, then Sa'am rose, rubbing his head. There was a long pause as everyone worried it was screwed up again. Koreki then smirked, "There we go! Much better… I'm cold, but at least I'm not rotten."

"HOORAY! Sensei is back!" Sa'am collapsed in exhaustion.

"Yay!" Chiso clapped and hugged Sa'am. "I'm so glad you're back!"

"…wrong body, dumbass." Tap grumbled, but might have been secretly delighted, but most likely not.

"Phew, that filler arc should be done!" Haku smiled, "Hopefully we can now continue to-"

Everyone gasped as the door suddenly burst open. Everyone gasped as the dust cleared and the two men in the door smiled darkly. They first looked at Z.W., then their eyes rose to meet Robin's. They shouted, "Oh my god, it's another transvestite!"

"But not any transvestite!" Robin laughed, his dark hair covered in pink bows. He had platform shoes that were irritatingly fifteen feet high and was wearing a beautiful satin gown. "You should recognize me… I AM ROBIN THE DEMONATOR, SON OF SADIE!"

"Fux!" Koreki shouted, "I knew this was going to happen!"

"Really, sensei?!?"

"NO. SHUT UP."

"We've come to deliver you, Koreki… it's good you're up again." Z.W. smiled. "The boys will be happy to mangle a living victim instead of the corpse I promised."

"Hey!" Amerlin piped up, "You can't go and kill Koreki! She owes me money!"

"Too bad… if you resist, I'll unleash Robin on you."

"Gonna squish yaaa!" Robin lurched forward, his shoes slamming against the floors and denting them. The kids screamed, hiding behind Koreki. She spat in anger as Robin marched forward.

"Okay, fighting positions ready! Tap, to the left! Sa'am, to the right! Chiso, wander around like an idiot!"

"Okay." Chiso wandered off in the wrong direction, tripping over a pair of panties. "Ooof!"

"What an amusing toy!" Robin prepared to step on her, "I think I'll break it!"

"Oh god, he's going to kill Chiso! …wait, why do I care?!?" Sa'am shouted.

"Chiso is under siege?!?" She began to throw her hands up using Hakke Rokujuuyonshou, hitting the bottom of the shoe as it came down. The burst of chakra disrupted Robin's concentration on his shoe, which suddenly shrank in size. Robin yelled and balanced on his other foot.

"Hey! How dare you change the level of my shoes!"

"That's it!" Cheeky cried, "Fear not, my friends, we will battle this trans-to-trans!"

"Don't be a hero, Cheeky!" Amerlin screamed. The man-girl charged, screaming, attaching to the long shoe. Cheeky blew a faint kiss, before letting loose all of his chakra at once. There was a massive explosion and everyone was tossed out of the building, screaming. "Well don't this beat all!"

"Delicious! I can't believe it, this place has the best soup in the world!" The blonde girl giggled, sipping on a spoonful. "For such a dirty town, it's pretty amazing!"

"I told you!" The fat kid beside her laughed, "Ino, you gotta trust me sometimes!"

"Shut up, Chouji." Ino glanced around his wide girth, "How is yours, Shikamaru?"

"…this is just day-old coffee warmed up in a bowl. Gross." Shikamaru whined. Then he heard a strange noise from above and looked up. "What…?"

"AIGH!" Chiso landed headfirst into the bowl of lukewarm, old coffee, the brown fluid splashing everywhere. Chouji fell over as Sa'am landed in his bowl of tomato, and Ino screamed as Tap fell into her clam chowder. Koreki came crashing down through the awning and landed on Chouji, being bounced back off at the opposite building. Amerlin, on the other hand, gracefully made a ten-point landing on her toes, using Safe Fall no Jutsu. Chiso gurgled.

"What the hell!?! Look at me, I'm covered in coffee and soup!" Ino sobbed and then grabbed Tap out of the bowl, screaming, "What's the big idea, you big… oh,… why… hello there."

"…my head…" Tap's eyes spun dizzily. Ino was completely overcome with his beauty, hearts visible in her eyes. Tap groaned.

"You poor, poor flying victim! Let me kiss you better!"

"Jesus!" Chouji held his stomach, "That hurt! What the hell just happened?"

"Waiter!" Shikamaru cried, "There's a blind girl in my soup!"

"Chiso… cannot… breathe… oh! Food!" She slurped it up and smacked her lips happily, then sat up in the bowl. "Hooray, Chiso's first meal in three days!"

"Ooog…" Sa'am sat up, breaking the bowl underneath him. "Whoops… sorry about that folks!"

"Where did you guys come from?!?" Chouji yelled, "You ruined my lunch!"

"Rumor has it the stork brought me." Koreki meandered over, after prying herself out of the opposite building. "God, that was close. Damn that Z.W.! At least I've got my body back."

"Were you attacked? Oh, you poor, handsome devil!" Ino hugged Tap, "I'll take care of you forever! You're so hot!"

"…help…me…"

"Ino, don't touch that!" Shikamaru yelled, "You don't know where it's been!"

"I don't care, this guy is just as cuuuuuute as Sasuke!" she giggled.

"…dying… slowly…"

"Give me back my student!" Koreki yanked him away. "…hey, where's Haku?"

"…I don't know, I didn't see him on the way down!" Amerlin looked around. "Haku?"

Everyone looked around before a sweet scent came from the soup pot in the restraunt. The children gasped, looking excited as the chef smiled, pouring things into a big bowl. He then called, "Who ordered the Pretty Boy Stew?"

"HOLY CRAP!" Koreki grabbed it and sobbed, watching needles and Haku's choker float around in the bowl, "HAKU, MY LOVE!"

"Oh no! Sensei, let me fix this! Excuse me." Sa'am tapped Shikamaru on the shoulder. "Do you have any good reason to exist?"

"Uh… not really. I'm, like, super-high and here because I got the munchies." He shrugged.

"Mind if I kill you?"

"Oh, go right ahead."

"Thanks for being so reasonable! EDO TENSEI!" Sa'am watched as he re-created Haku using Shikamaru's body, then nodded. "Yeah, I totally rock!"

"Oh Haku!" Koreki latched on in a hug, "I thought you were gone forever!"

"DAMMIT, and I just was about to leap on Zabuza!" Haku sighed, "Oh well. Hello again, everyone."

"Eeek! You killed Shikamaru!" Ino and Chouji held each other and shrieked, Tap being pulled back in and sandwiched in the middle. "Don't hurt us!"

"…let me go!!" Tap growled.

"GIVE HIM BACK!"

"He's mine now!" Ino shrieked.

"My student!"

"My hottie!"

"ARGH!" Tap pulled out his switchblade and jabbed it at the nearest target. There was an ear-shattering KABOOM as bits of green clothing came raining down. Blood and guts were sprayed all over the place as only Chouji's feet remained. Ino screamed.

"Now you got Chouji!!"

"…that wasn't what I had planned. Sorry."

"Oh, that's okay! Gimme a smooch!"

"God…" Koreki held her head.

"Hey! … You remind me of Maya-san!" Sa'am gasped.

"Maya?" Ino let out a laugh, "That little bitch from the exams? I so totally wasted her!" Two seconds later there was nothing left of Team 10 from Hidden Sound, blood dripping off Sa'am's arms.

"Well that's done with." Koreki shrugged. "Well, now we can continue on my conquest to the Tea Country! DAMN YOU, TEA COUNTRY! Damn you all to HELL!"

"Yes," Haku threw a fist up, "Damn them."

"Hooray, back to adventuring!" Sa'am laughed and started off, "Everything is back to normal! Except we're totally covered in blood!"

"Chiso is happy and full!" Chiso was being dragged along behind them.

"…filthy… disgusting… my hair is stained with blood…" Tap smirked evily. "Fucking sweet."

"Let's go!" Koreki laughed, leading them off. Amerlin smiled, watching them walk out of the town, letting out a happy sigh.

"There they go… good for them! I should send a letter to His Godliness, telling him how proud he should be of them and their success…" Amerlin started for her blown-up apartment, "And possibly start looking for a new apartment. I hope Peridot is okay!"

"Sir!" A mail-ninja knocked on the door to Orochimaru's room, "Telegram for you!"

"Hmph, it's probably another bill…" He hissed darkly.

"Let me get it!" Kabuto skipped to the door, batting his eyelashes as he opened it. He took the letter and thanked the mail ninja, dancing back in to Orochimaru who was sitting in his bed and eating chocolate pie. "Here it is, I bet it's fanmail!"

"Open it and read it, and then rub my feet."

"Yes, Your Godliness!" Kabuto opened it up and read aloud, "Dear Your Godliness. Hello from Amerlin, of the Four-oh-so Sounds. It has been too long since I last spoke to you. Well, I wanted to tell you what a surprise I had! Koreki and her students dropped in for a spell."

"…hm… Koreki? Oh yes, the crazy bitch with the scrolls. Go on."

"You should have been there, you would have been proud. Koreki had gotten into a bit of a fix, and was kind of dead, but with some work, they were able to revive her! The last I saw they were proudly marching off to take over the Tea Country. On other news, the country is more vulrable than we first thought. We should start the invasion soon. With love, Amerlin." Kabuto giggled, "Oh wow, sir, what a nice letter!"

"…taking over the Tea Country?" Orochimaru slurped down his milk with his tongue, "I suppose if it doesn't interfere… wait, that's it. If she clears out the Tea Country… we can set up a second town there… and attack from both sides. She's BRILLIANT!"

"Oh no, sir," Kabuto laughed nervously, "I think she's a damn annoying idiot."

"Shut up you, get back to rubbing my feet. Call in the secretary… I need to fire off a few… letters." He laughed darkly. "Oh, yes, right between the toes, just like that."

"Soon enough, we will reach our goal! It may take weeks of marching, but just you guys watch!" Koreki had an insane glint in her eyes, "We'll wipe the Tea Country out completely!"

"Hooray!" But Sa'am let out a whine, "How far to the next town?"

"WHAT! Are you lazy?!?"

"N-No!"

"Well. There are no more… major towns in the way." Haku piped up, with a new bunny rabbit the team caught outside of the town, "There's a few small settlements, but mostly just pathways. If we're lucky, we'll be able to stay in a few places… oh, you're a cute bunny, yes you are!"

"Good, because Chiso is hungry again!"

"Tap, feed her something."

"…heh." Tap dug out his switchblade, snapping it open. He handed it to her. "…this is a tasty candy bar."

"Candy for Chiso!" She tossed it in and swallowed, then started gagging as blood ran from her mouth. Sa'am and Tap laughed at her as she began flailing around in agony, unable to dislodge the blade.

"HEY! What did I say about killing Chiso?!?"

"…we can't because the clan would get mad." Sa'am and Tap sighed.

"That's right. Haku, would you?"

"Yes ma'am." Haku jabbed Chiso with a needle, making her freeze. He then carefully removed the blade with another needle in a surgical procedure. He stitched Chiso's neck up and then removed the first needle. "There."

"Wow, Chiso is in much paaaain…"

"Shut up, Chiso." The team shouted, and then began laughing as they walked off into the sunset, luckily moving out of the way before burning into a crisp, for as everyone know, the sun is pretty hot.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	14. Part the Phourteen

1Koreki Birisu

2/24/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the Phourteen_

"It's so good to be on the road again!" Sa'am laughed cheerfully.

"Yes, I don't like being in one place too long." Haku pet his bunny between the ears, "It's nice to move around…"

"Hmm…" Chiso meandered along, attached to Sa'am by a rope to keep her from getting too lost, "Chiso feels there is something missing!"

"Like what? Did you forget your toothbrush? Damn it all!" Koreki groaned.

"No, like someone is missing…"

Tap shrugged. "…Don't know what you mean…"

Arf! Team 1.86 gasped as a certain white dog with brown ears came running down from the hill behind them. A paper bag was held in his jaws as he caught up, standing in front of Sa'am. Sa'am gasped in joy, taking the bag, "Wow, my Burger Emperor Little Human meal! Yes, I knew you'd bring it, Akamaru!"

"Wait!" Koreki shouted, "Where has he been?!?"

"I sent him out to get lunch, remember?!?"

"…that's right…" Tap muttered, "He was missing from the last chapter."

Akamaru panted, after having such a harrowing journey! Sa'am gave him a few pats on the head, and Akamaru felt proud. The rest of the team was confused as Sa'am stuffed a french fry in his mouth.

"So he really did it." Haku was surprised, "I'll be damned!"

"Of course he did! Akamaru never would have problems with that sort of thing!"

On the contrary, if Akamaru could talk, he would have told him how horrible the experinece was. He could remember every minute of it vividly, hoping not to have to repeat the trip again. It had all started that afternoon before Sa'am managed to somewhat successfully preform Edo Tensei.

He had been practicing since morning, as Chiso bumbled around blindly and Tap carved satanic symbols into the furniture. Haku was, of course, sitting prettily on the couch, and Amerlin was playing her flute to her turtle. Akamaru was pretending to be a doily on an armchair. Cheeky was working hard to train the fat ninja-wannabe.

"Aw man, I need a break!" Sa'am groaned as his stomach rumbled, "I'm starving! NO, No you can't stop until you get me out of your body! Oh but Sensei, I'm soooo hungry! Boohoo!"

"Hm." Cheeky paused, "Poor dahlin… ah hah! Why don't ya send out one of your friends to getcha some food?"

"Brilliant! Hey Haku!"

"Occupied." Haku was painting his fingernails green.

"Aw, c'mon!"

"Occupied." He stated in a flat tone.

"Uh…" Sa'am looked at the others.

"Chiso will do it!"

"Chiso you fool, you're blind! You'd ruin it just like you ruined Sensei's scrolls!"

"What! Chiso never did!"

"Now you're a liar too! You're the worst!"

"Boohoo!"

"Well," Sa'am smiled a little, laughing nervously as he asked, "Hey Tap, old buddy, old friend! Would you do me a favor?"

"…" Tap glared with the anger of a thousand souls, "Never call me 'buddy' or 'friend' again or I'll bleed you dry."

"S-sorry! Damn! …Wait, that's it!" Sa'am whistled. Akamaru instantly leapt from his perch and stood before Sa'am. Digging out some money, he stuffed it into Akamaru's mouth as the dog looked bewildered. "Go fetch me a Little Human meal from Burger Emperor, Akamaru!"

Akamaru let out a woof, heading for the door and slipping out the pet flap. He quietly headed down the stairs, winding around the legs of painted ladies, heading out the door. However, upon reaching the outside, he was dazed by the crowds that passed by, and could not see the Burger Emperor building. He let out a whine, then padded up to a woman for help. Pawing at her, he whined some more, looking as pitiful as he could.

"Why, what a cute little doggy! What's this?" The woman spotted his money, "Why, aren't you the cutest little client I've ever seen! I charge ten dollars an hour, and yes, I'd be glad to do it doggy-style."

Akamaru groaned. This wasn't getting him anywhere. He left the woman and watched the crowds helplessly, the sun making him uncomfortably warm. But then he caught it- the scent of plastic, paper, and overcooked junk food. With his nose following the scent, Akamaru soon caught up to the person carrying the bag of burgers.

"I still can't believe it!" Maito Gai sobbed as he took a bite, "Tenten… Rock Lee… it's too horrible to believe! My every fiber is filled with outrage and sadness at the loss of our two young companions!"

"Terrible…" Neji was visibly trembling, staying close to his sensei. Deep, deep down, Neji knew he was next… that the next person on someone's dinner menu was him… but he couldn't say it out loud that he was frightened. "M-maybe we should go home instead of trying to get revenge."

"No! We must!" Maito Gai struck a pose, "For JUSTICE!"

"Ugh…" Neji nervously glanced back, then spotted Akamaru. "Hey! It's Kiba's dog!"

"What!" Maito Gai picked up Akamaru, "The boy who was drowned in the public toilets in the park?!? Why, yes, this is his dog! How are you, you youthful canine?"

Akamaru whined.

"I see!" The man nodded, despite not understanding him at all, "You have money! Perhaps you are out robbing banks?!? Gasp!"

Akamaru shook his head. Gai thought for a moment, then gasped, "Oh, I see, you are out shopping!"

Akamaru's tail wiggled. Gai smiled, then put the doggy down before petting him, "Well the convinence store is just down that way! Godspeed, little dog, may you purchase your items in confidence!"

"I don't think he's going to the store…" Neji kneeled down. "He looks like he's trying to tell us something… what is it, boy?"

The dog leapt up at Maito Gai's bag of food. Maito Gai laughed as realization hit him like a truck, "That's it! He's trying to buy some lunch! Well, the Burger Emperor restaruant is just down that way, young friend, two blocks! Take care!"

Neji and Maito Gai waved as Akamaru took off. Maito Gai wept thick tears, "Oh, it always tears me up to see a good, just dog on an amazing journey… how touching it is! Let us use this as inspiration to fight for Tenten and Rock Lee's memory, Neji!"

"I g-guess…?"

"Come, let us punish those fiends!"

Akamaru on the other hand took off in the direction of the fast food joint. He skidded to a halt before the building, the glowing sign seemingly hung from the heavens themselves. Puffing out his chest with pride, he walked into the building as the door swung open… but then was suddenly shooed out!

"Can't you read?!?" An overworked employee shouted at him, "No pets!"

Akamaru howled as the door was closed. Was he defeated at last?!? Was this the end of his journey?!? Would he have to disappoint Sa'am by coming home empty-pawed? NO! Akamaru was a caninja, after all, and was more crafty than most mutts. He carefully observed the crowds, waiting to hatch a brilliant plan. His ears perked up a little as he watched a mother and her child walk past, the little girl in turn dragging a doll in a pretty dress. Smirking to himself, Akamaru found a soft spot of earth and quickly buried his money, then ran after the two. When he was close enough, he bit onto the doll's foot and pulled.

"Oh no!" The girl cried.

"Why, look at that little puppy! Don't be scared!" Her mom laughed, "He just wants to play with you."

"I see! What a nice puppy!" The girl giggled, "You can't have dolly, give it back! You're so cute, let me pet you!"

Akamaru suddenly snarled, showing off his teeth and foaming at the mouth. The mother screamed and ran off with the girl, who was so startled she left the doll. With a bark of victory, Akamaru pulled the clothes off the doll, and then wriggled into them himself. He tossed the little matching hat up and caught it on his head before unburying his money and waiting for the door to open. He slipped in behind a customer, then took his place in the line to the counter. When it was his turn, Akamaru stood up against the counter.

"…hello? Hello, I can serve who's next!" The girl at the register blinked. When she heard a growl, she leaned over and looked down the side at Akamaru, her chest nearly falling from her shirt. "Oh, there you are. What a cute little girl. Can I take your order?"

OH NO. Akamaru whined. He had forgotten he couldn't talk! In agony, he fell over, whimpering. The girl watched for a moment, then gasped, "I get it, you want the heart-attack inducing Little Human Meal with extra grease, right?"

Akamaru leapt up in victory, his butt and tail shaking hard enough to whip up cookie dough, if given the chance. The girl smiled, "And a shake too, right? Okay! That'll be 5.57."

She took the sopping wet money from Akamaru's mouth and rang up the order. She passed down the receipt, then stated, "You'll have to wait for your order, it is lunch and there's a line. It ends right there!"

Akamaru glanced, and then let out another agonized howl. The line consisted of at least fifty people, bending around the restaurant. However, he submitted to taking a place in line, looking at the receipt. Number 666. He listened as they called the next number: 533. Akamaru sighed, and waited. He waited for so long he began to doze off! Two hours later, his meal still wasn't ready, and he was about to collapse into the world of dreams. However, when a brick came through the window, he yelped and sat upright.

"What the?!?" The cashier-girl picked up the brick and read the note. "Gasp! Boss, boss! It's from the McDoninjas!"

"Let me see that!" The man took it, then shouted, "YES. What we have been training for! Prepare for battle, and send a response brick! We will not succumb, in the name of the Burger Emperor!"

"Fools!" The doors burst open as McDoninjas dressed in clown suits came in. The customers gasped as the employees stood bravely. "We have come to deliver to our leader, Ronnie D, the head of the Burger Emperor on a piece of wax paper! You will rue the day you set up your business!"

"Burger Emperor employees, to your battle stations! Prepare to attack!"

Akamaru yelped and slid under a table just as shurikens and other sharp objects began flying through the air. He watched as a body fell where he had been waiting in line, hearing people scream and glass shatter. The McDoninjas completely invaded, coming through the windows, but the Burger Emperor employees were prepared. Swords and technqiues clashed, as the cook nervously whimpered, "Number 665!"

It was almost time! Akamaru took the first open chance he could to run out, narrowly missing being chopped in half by a big sword. The McDoninja who weilded the blade spotted the mutt, "Why, if it isn't a Double Bacon Cheeseburger on legs! Hold still and you'll be on the dollar menu faster than you can blink!"

Akamaru leapt up as the sword came down, then used the long blade as a springboard. Leaping high, he let loose a spray of urine at the attacker's face, who screamed and clutched his eyes. Akamaru landed roughly as the man screamed, "MY FACE! IT'S LIKE ACID!"

"Get that little girl!" Another McDoninja leapt forward. Akamaru growled, leaping onto a plastic seat. Focusing hard, there was a poof of smoke as a decoy of himself appeared, then he hid behind a plastic plant as the ninjas went for the trap. The fake dog exploded, sending knives and needles everywhere, the evil McDoninjas screaming.

"Order 666!" The cook dodged a flying kick. Akamaru barked and ran to the counter, leaping up and grabbing the bag in his jaws. Dodging a knife, Akamaru shot for one of the broken windows and leapt out, leaving the chaos behind him. He ran as far as he could, his feet hurting from skimming the broken glass. When the pain became too much, he slowly came to a halt. He whined, looking down an alleyway, spotting a couple of drunk bums. Carefully, he walked over and tucked himself and the meal in one of the bum's coats, to keep him and the food warm. With a sigh, he slipped off into sleep for the night, the sounds and sights of the fight echoing in his dreams.

In the morning, Akamaru left the bum and dragged the bag of burgers down the street, heading for Cheeky's apartment. The dog was startled to find it no longer existed, looking at the rubble and Atasuki members strewn about. He yipped and moved out of the way as Itachi suddenly dug himself out, spitting out concrete dust.

"Dammit! That bitch is a slippery one…"

"How dare they!" Robin screamed from under a tub, "They totally ruined my shoes!"

"Heh!" Z.W. laughed, standing ontop of a bed, "Just as she always has been…"

"Help!" Kisame cried, "I don't know where I am!"

"Oh, stop whining." Z.W. then spotted Akamaru, who whimpered. "Why hello, you're that dog they kidnapped, aren't you? Come here, I won't hurt you!"

"We'll just extort the information from your mind!" Itachi reached for the puppy, who tore off as fast as he could. The Burger Emperor bag hit against his chest for each bound, his heart pounding ten-thousand times a minute. However, reaching the top of the hill, he gasped! There was Team 1.86! With a triumphant howl, he ran down after them…

"Wow, that filler arc had an amazingly high-budget fight scene!" Haku applauded. "That was a cool battle!"

"Yeah! Go Akamaru!" Sa'am gave him a french fry, then took a bite of his burger. "Gross! It smells like dirty bum and it's cold! Here, eat this!" He gave it to Akamaru, who instantly spit it out, coughing.

"Man, even the dog won't eat it!"

"Chiso wants it!"

"NO FOOD FOR CHISO!"

"Boohoo!"

"Oh well." Sa'am ate it, then pulled out his shake. "This is the best! Now if only I had my arms around Maya-san… it would be perfect!"

"What?!?" Maya-san screamed. Everyone gasped, looking up at the trees, where Team 2 stood. "How dare you even speak my name, you pig!"

"Hey!" Koreki shouted, "Why are you here?!"

"We're getting revenge!" Maya shouted.

"Revenge?"

"Yes! Do you know how much surgery Santo-sensei has gone through to fix his face?!? After you and your stupid blind kid blew it up with your trap! And Sa'am hurt Seek and Tama so bad they have to wear a BUTT CAST!"

"Did you have to say that?" The twins groaned.

"Oh Maya, don't be silly." Sa'am laughed, "We can fix this over dinner, then conclude the evening with hot lovemaking in the romantic countryside, where I'll run my hands all over your anorexic body before-"

"YOU PERVERT!" She whipped a blade at him. It hit his shake, the contents spilling out, which Chiso and Akamaru lapped up off the ground. Sa'am gasped.

"Maya, how could you!"

"Prepare yourself! I will fight you all!"

"…whatever, dumbass." Tap shrugged.

"Shut up, Tap!" Sa'am hit him over the head.

Maya –screamed-, her nerves finally snapping. "HOW DARE YOU HIT TAP!" She lunged forward, blades first, at Sa'am! Everyone gasped dramatically as the chapter cruelly ended in a cliffhanger!!

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	15. Part the AfterPhorTheTeenth

1Koreki Birisu

3/2/2007

Ninjatech

**Naruto no Jutsu Daisuke, Koreki-sensei Densetsu!**

_**AKA The Fabulous Tale of Koreki**_

_**And her Ninja Students**_

_Part the After-Phor-The-Teenth_

Maya Armata of Team 2 viciously leapt from her tree-post and plunged forward a blade at Sa'am, who had just lost his delicious Burger Emperor shake to a thrown knife. Everyone gasped in terror as the blade sank into Sa'am's fat chest, everyone falling silent. Maya laughed, half-crazed, "I GOT YOU!"

"Uh…" Sa'am blinked. "I don't feel a thing."

"What??" She pulled the blade back out. There was a small spurt of blood… but then the wound suddenly closed up entirely with a yellow-colored, rubbery substance! "What is this?!?"

"Oh, my fat!" Sa'am laughed, "It just fills up the cuts. Now you are mine!"

Maya screamed as she was grabbed by the arms, and then pulled into a hug. Sa'am splattered wet kisses all over her blonde head as she shrieked in absolute horror. Seek and Tama gasped, then shouted, "Hey! Let Maya go!"

"We are destined to be together forever! Let me kiss you some more!"

"EEK! Tap, save me!"

The grey-eyed young boy slowly walked over to Sa'am and Maya, then tapped Sa'am on the shoulder. The fat kid hissed, "Go away, Tap, this is –my- lady! Go find a corpse or something to kiss."

Tap stared deep into his eyes. Sa'am felt as if his soul was being pierced by the heavy glare. He began to sweat and tremble as Tap's eyes continued to burrow deeper and deeper into his mind, enough that Maya was able to slip away. However, she instantly attached to Tap, who looked as if he was going to die. Maya squealed, "Oh Tap, you sexy, sexy hero! I knew you would save me!"

"Going… to… STRANGLE…"

"GRR!" Sa'am yelled with all of his soul. Akamaru growled along with him. "THAT'S IT! I'm going to kill you, Tap, for trying to take my girl! It's the last time you'll ever see each other!"

"Eek!" Maya was pushed away, "Oh no, don't do it, Tap!"

"Oh, hello!" Chiso bumped into Maya, then put her hands out, cupping them over Maya's chest, "You must be Maya, for I can feel your ribs through your boobs!"

"Let me go!"

Meanwhile, Tap and Sa'am drew knives and glared at each other. Though Tap's eyes were harsh, Sa'am countered with his Death Stare, the two battling it out in silence. The rest of the people nearby watched and watched and watched…

"How boring!" The twins in the tree muttered.

"Now now," Santo dropped down from a higher branch, with a completely new face that didn't match the rest of his skintone, "It's only polite to stay interested when watching a ninja duel!"

"But we'd like to watch GAARA and ROCK LEE or some exciting match like that, not this stupid… stare-until-you-blink contest." Tama sighed.

"Sssh!" Seek suddenly slapped a hand over Tama's mouth, "Don't speak his name! If that kid hears you, he'll show up… and you know how badass he is! The only reason he didn't kill everyone is because they summoned his MOM."

"…mother scroll…" Tap distracted himself and broke his death glare, then suddenly screamed in agony as Sa'am's own death glare suddenly came through. Sa'am laughed, but then screamed as Tap threw a knife at Sa'am's knee. The two of them fell to the ground, Sa'am sobbing and Tap rather…

"Tap! TAP!" Maya ran over and held him, "Oh god, he's DEAD!"

"Woah." Koreki paused from reading one of her Come-Come paradise books, "Someone actually died? Oh shit, my paycheck! Dammit Sa'am!"

"SENSEI, MY KNEE!"

"Jesus Christ! What am I going to do with these fools?!?" Koreki growled, "Carelessly killing each other… okay, okay! I'll fix this…" Koreki pulled out her scroll, and within two seconds everything had reset.

"…The only reason he didn't kill everyone is because they summoned his-"

"Déjà vu." Koreki smirked, tucking the scroll away. "Okay everyone, I'm tired of this! You two, stop being ninnies and glaring at each other!"

"But Sensei!" Sa'am suddenly screamed in agony as Tap's death glare finally went through. Koreki started cursing and speaking in tongues, pulling the scroll out again and writing a few things on it. In two seconds, everything had reset.

"Déjà vu, déjà vu." Koreki growled, then walked in between the boys, canceling out both death glares. "Okay, stop already!"

"But Sensei!"

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!?" Flames roared up behind Koreki.

"W-we're done!" Tap backed away. Sa'am did the same, nodding.

"We have no time to fight over super-anorexic kids and their stinky teams with their effeminate leader!"

"Hey!" Santo shouted, "I'm manly!"

"The hell you are. Haku could defeat you in a testosterone-battle anyday, and he wears a pink kimono and shaves his legs!"

"Hmm, and I need to do that again…" Haku looked at his beautiful man-legs.

"Stop insulting Santo-sensei!" Maya yelled, "I'm going to kill you!"

"O RLY!" Koreki suddenly threw her hands together. A sharp breeze picked up, and Maya shrieked as she was picked up and consequently blown away. Her team gasped, as Koreki pointed and laughed, "Should have thought about how easily the wind would take you away when you became anorexic, bitch!"

"Oh no! We have to catch her!" Santo took off after her, Seek and Tama not far behind. The other team looked mostly dazed and confused. Sa'am wept silently.

"Oh, Maya-san! How could you just blow away?"

"Stop blubbering and let's go! It looks like rain…" Koreki started off. They walked well into the night, when the rain began pouring down in torrents. However, soon enough, they reached a very large sign standing behind a red line painted across the earth. They all read in amazement, 'Welcome to the Tea Country, Affiliates of the Neck, Red Bean, and Scroll Country!', though the 'Scroll Country' had been slashed through in a cheap attempt to not have to fix the sign. A hanging part read 'Now open 24 hours, all days except Black Kettle Appreciation Day'. Sa'am gasped. "We… we made it!"

"Tea Country…" Koreki suddenly screamed with all her rage, "DAMN YOU!" The children backed away as blue flames rolled up around her.

"…and what again was the issue she had with the Tea Country?" Tap tied his noose to the hanging part of the sign.

"It has a gay name!" Chiso chirped. "But it seems the Neck Country has a gayer name."

"HEY!" Everyone shouted, "You can't read, how do you know that!"

"Uhm… oh no! Chiso is unsure! Don't hurt Chiso!"

Tap shook his head, then tried his noose on for size. Everyone else watched as he began spasming violently, then the hanging sign snapped. He fell down and the sign hit him across the head, and he lied there dazed, but was no closer to his goal of leaving the cruel, harsh world. Haku mumbled and pulled him loose from the ropes and put him over a shoulder. "Shall we cross the boarder?"

"I have no passport!" Chiso nervously poked her fingers together.

"Shut up and come on." Koreki stepped across the boarder. The rest of the team followed nervously behind Haku as their sensei's eyes gleamed, and she smirked, showing off the Sadie-influenced fangs. But as the night toiled on, the children could no longer take it.

"Please, sensei!" Chiso cried, "Put Chiso in shelter! She is cold and wet!"

"For once I agree with Chiso!" Sa'am sighed, "Please?"

"Oh fine. There's a village coming up anyway." Koreki walked into the town and walked to the largest building and knocked on the door. There was a pause, and then the thick wooden doors slowly opened.

"Oh, visitors?" A young man with light brown hair and a green robe opened the door, his eyes apparently glued closed, "In this weather? You must be travelers! Please, come in out of the rain!"

Team 1.86 gladly obliged, Akamaru first shaking out and getting everyone else twice as soaked as before. The young man then lead them through the building, "My name is Nabo, and may I welcome you to our humble home. Let us set you down by the fire, give you warm clothes, and feed you soup."

"Wow, not half bad!"

"I don't know about this…" Haku nervously eyed statues and crosses strewn about the building.

"Oh nonsense, Haku!" Sa'am laughed as he was given warm robes. "These seem like nice people!"

Despite Haku's worry, everyone was soon settled down in front of the fire with something to eat. Koreki was apparently nervous as well and was sitting beside Haku, the two carefully watching the inhabitants move around the building. Koreki finally leaned over so her face was on his shoulder and whispered, "So why are you nervous?"

"I worship the devil," Haku whispered, "How about you?"

"They're being too nice… Something has got to give." Koreki gasped as Nabo came forward, "Look, see, now they're going to give us a bill!"

"Oh my, no! No way would we charge you, children, we are dedicated to helping those in need! I just came to make sure everything was all right." Nabo suddenly gasped as he was taken up, a knife held to his neck.

"Alright, what's the catch?!? What's the CATCH?!?" Koreki's nerves had finally snapped.

"C-child, there is no catch!"

"There must be something!!"

"Sensei!" Sa'am shouted, "Don't beat him up! Look, he gave us all necklaces! They're little golden crosses. It's JESUS-A-RIFFIC!"

"NOT JESUS!" Koreki and Haku screamed.

"Well, alright… we had planned a little sermon, see…" Nabo sweat nervously. "Don't kill me!"

"Never! I will never sit still for a religious conversation!" Koreki hissed.

"Nuns, help!"

All the nuns in the room suddenly gathered around Team 1.86, making them exceedingly nervous. For a minute they stood in silence, holding their hands in prayer, but the Team screamed when they whipped out…nun-chucks. "In the name of the Lord, we must save brother Nabo from these heathens with love, amen!"

Koreki hissed as she pushed Nabo away, dodging one of the nun's attacks. Chiso screamed and dived under her blankets, hoping they would provide some sort of shelter. Tap whipped out his switchblade and fended off many of the Sisters by carving demonic symbols in the floor in front of him. Haku tossed needles every which-way until he could find no more on him. "Koreki! I'm out of senbon!"

"I got it!" Sa'am dumped his bowl of soup on the floor, "You can make ice and stuff, right?!? Use the soup!"

"Well I've never done it with –tomato soup-, but what the hell." Haku leapt away from an attacking Sister, landing behind the puddle. Making a symbol with one hand, he then kicked at the soup. The droplets formed into tomato-flavored needles, and then shot at the wave of holiness. There was much shrieking, but Haku and Sa'am shared a high-five in victory!

"Argh, there's a never-ending supply!" Tap continued to scrawl demonic symbols into everything around him, "Now what?!?"

"Chiso has a scroll!" Koreki was unable to get into her own pockets, blocking hits with her arms, "Steal it and use it!"

"Right!" Tap grabbed Chiso, who shrieked, then stole the scroll out of her pocket. Tap slit his wrist and smeared the blood across the paper, shouting, "I summon the evil within this scroll! Come forth and slaughter my enemies!"

With a loud chattering, everyone squealed as a big figure appeared in a puff of smoke. It was a giant set of teeth on some feet with little arms, and it screamed, "FEED THE TEETH!"

The carnage was so unspeakable it was forced to be omitted from this printing by order of the Hokage. We planted a tack on his chair later to make up for it. Heehee. Anyhow, there the team stood, with Nabo, looking at the mess.

"MY CHURCH! What… what have you done?!!"

"Yes…" Koreki smirked, "We've started… the invasion!"

"I-invasion?" Nabo trembled.

"We are taking over your silly country!" Koreki grabbed him up, "You will guide us to your capital, where we will destroy everything and thus take over! If you resist, I'll let my friend Haku here take care of you."

"I'll stick you like a pig and bleed you dry." Haku giggled sweetly.

"P-please! I'll help you… but… but only because that is my calling, to help those in need."

"Great!" Koreki pulled out a collar and snapped it around the man's neck, then put a leash on it. "I had intended this for Chiso, but you look mighty fine in it! Heh heh."

"Speaking of which!" Sa'am looked around, "Where is Chiso?"

"…well…" Tap mumbled, "I picked her up, took her scroll, and then tossed her…"

The children looked back at the blazing fire. They gasped in horror! Koreki slapped her forehead, "Well shit, you mean she's been turned into a yule log? Dammit! The Hyuuga clan is going to kill-"

"Hello, sir," Chiso was underneath a body, wriggling, "I think I am too young for this sort of situation, would you please let Chiso go!"

"Phew, Chiso's not dead, just really stupid." Sa'am pulled her out and everyone shared a hearty laugh. "Sensei! Let's stay here for the night!"

"Sounds like a great idea. Lead us to the beds, Brother!"

Nabo sighed, "This way…"

"The carnage is unspeakable…" Kakashi stood in the door to the church, holding his face, "This is disgusting…"

"DUDE, WE GOTTA MURDER THEM. BELIEVE IT!"

"Ssh, dumbass, you'll wake them up!" Sakura smacked him, then stole some more toast from his head. "This is much better than your kitsune, Naruto!"

"DUDE. DUDE. YOUR GONNA BE FAT! HAHAHA!"

"Why you!"

"Stop it!" Sasuke grumbled, "You guys look for survivors. I'll go find them." Before anyone could disagree, Sasuke headed for the back, finding some hallways. He could hear snoring, and he snuck up to a door and quietly opened it. Team 1.86 and their newest slave were asleep in the beds. Sasuke smirked, and then stepped in, slowly taking out a knife. He headed straight for Koreki, who had her arms around Haku. Sasuke pulled the blade up, ready for a direct hit. Down went the blade! It hit against the bedding as Koreki had flopped over onto Haku, who woke with a start. Sasuke gasped as Haku eyed him directly. "Uh… Don't mind me, sandman, delivering dreams!"

"You're that emochild from Hidden Leaf! Koreki, Koreki, wake up and get off me!"

"Snort- what?!?" Koreki sat up, the rest of the team groggily following. Sasuke laughed nervously and backed up for the door. "Hey, you! Stop right there!"

"Sorry, it was just a mistake." Sasuke put on a fake smile, "Really, I'll just be going…"

"Let's kill him!" Sa'am gleefully pulled out his own knife.

"Argh! That's alright, you'll never get your hands on me!" Sasuke made some hand symbols, and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were red, with comma-shaped swirls within them. He viciously eyed everyone with his Sharingan, then shouted, "I'll use my matrix powers on you!"

"…What?" Koreki blinked.

Bark! Akamaru bravely leapt off a pillow and charged at Sasuke. Sasuke made a few 'Whoosh!' noises and moved dramatically. Despite confusing the hell out of everyone, the 'technique' really didn't work as Akamaru sank his fangs into Sasuke's ankle. The boy yelled and pulled the dog off and tossed it away. Sa'am yelled, "How dare you hurt Akamaru!"

"Bring it, bitches." His eyes glowed demonically.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

"Jesus Christ, sensei, that chapter was so freaking late! You promised it days ago!"

"Shut up, Sa'am."

"…but man, it was super lame!"

"Grr… if you kids want someone to blame, go blame Chiso!"

"We'll kill her!"

"Oh no! Don't hurt Chiso! Boohoo!"

"Maybe that'll buy me some time between the next chapters… dumbass kids."


End file.
